14 Jan SEX. The Power of Ritual
Ritual as in sex magic??
Only if you want it to be, but in this article I’m sharing with you the power in creating the sex and sensual lifestyle that you’ve been wanting. To live a life with more sensuality and embodiment, we must make it a regular practice for ourselves. It isn’t just a one time act and BOOM I’m embodied.
At the same time, these busy, hectic lives that we lead can make it difficult to imagine space for such a practice. We want to catch a break, but they don’t seem to come. I get it, because I lived that life. AND I’m telling you that it isn’t just going to pop up in your life. You must CREATE space which then paradoxically creates more energy, time, and the life you actually wanted to live without even knowing it.
Check out my article Living Embodied for more great practices to add to your rituals.
One powerful way you can create the time and space is through morning and/or evening and/or pre-sex ritual.
Rituals are actually really psychologically powerful. A ritual is a series of symbolic actions performed before, during, and after meaningful events. They can be helpful in creating an erotic experience because when you get in the habit of preparing for sex with your partner or with just yourself using the same specific agreed upon actions can help put you more easily into the mindset of sex. Preparatory actions can also help quell anxiety by inducing a feeling of being back in control and reducing uncertainty. They can boost confidence. They can even be an opportunity for bonding and intimacy. Research shows that rituals do have a causal impact on people’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, even for those people who don’t believe that rituals work! Repetition of actions we do first thing in the morning can condition our bodies to be in a more preferred calmer or energized (depending on your ritual) state of mind and body, or prior to the act of sex can begin arousal in anticipation of what’s to come. There has even been research in sport psychology showing that pre-performance routines are correlated with improving attention, execution, and increasing emotional stability and confidence.
Setting Yourself Up
Set aside an area that will hold space for your rituals to occur. Create this space in a way that will foster what you want to build in your life. If it’s sensuality, fill this space with items that stimulate your senses like flowers, essential oils, candles, blanket, furry rugs, pillows, incense, etc. Make up a space that is void of distraction or items that might promote stress or dis-ease from your daily lives and relationship. Acknowledge this space as safe. Even if it’s not a permanent space, due to physical availability in your home, using a blanket to delineate the area each time you practice can help shift the mindset into practice time.
Sit with your partner (or by yourself for solo rituals) and set an intention, or goal, to what you want to gain from this experience. Sounds woo-woo? Setting intentions sets your focus and directs your actions and the experience you are wanting to create for yourself. We have monkey minds that bounce all over the place, yet when we can set a clear intention, we have something to bring our mind back to. Intentional actions help us to funnel our energy and attention and help us to move forward and process in a certain direction. And when you involve your partner in this, you are creating a shared experience and intimacy.
You intention could be to create pleasure, fun, bliss, cosmic ecstasy, primal passion, closeness, relaxation, playfulness, sensuality, release, healing, embodiment, self-love, exploration, and discovery.
Notice the difference if we engage in sex with an exploration intention versus a healing intention. There may be a different attitude and actions involved. If I’m exploring with my partner I may be more verbal and directive. If I’m with the intention of healing, I may be more melty in my body and allowing for tears or cries of release.
Self body massage.
Sensually, slowly, lovingly putting lotion or oil on your body and massaging it into your skin after a shower. This allows you to come ground back into your body and it’s sensations. Caressing your own skin releases oxytocin and dopamine in the body, both very important hormones for feelings of connectedness and positive reward feeling. Caressing your body lovingly and gently and being mindful to your own touch is a powerful experience of self-loving and helps to open the body to receive loving touch from others, as well.
I love doing this practice in the morning either while I’m in the shower or when I’m putting lotion/oil on my body afterward. Holding your own breasts with both of your hands, gently yet firmly massage in circular movements both clockwise and then counter clockwise. Not only does this help bring loving attention and pleasure to your own femininity, but it also helps balance hormones and contributes to greater firmness. You can also have your partner do this for you as a part of your foreplay and mindful connection, however, make sure that this is a regular practice for yourself as well.
Breath, Sound, Movement.
Breath, Sound, Movement. These are your three keys. The more we can integrate this in our mornings and throughout the day, the more stagnant energy we can move through, decreasing contraction and increasing pleasure and sensation potential.
Movement: circulate in your hips, spine, and neck; yoga; jumping; running
Breath: deep belly breathing; breath of fire; tantra cobra breath; parachute breath, connective breath
Sound: humming; vocal sighs; crying; yelling; singing; mantras; chanting
Sitting with your partner, connecting eye gaze, try synchronizing your breath together. Stay for 5 to 10 minutes, caressing each others hands. You can make more intimate by she placing her legs over his crossed legs. Or traditional Tantra Yab Yum posture, where she sits into his lap, wrapping her legs around his waist, connecting heart to heart, forehead to forehead.
Erotic breath control.
These can be done seated comfortably or reclined on the floor with knees bent.
Deep inhale through the nostrils and sigh on an exhale, releasing the muscles of your pelvic floor (PC muscles). Imagine relaxing the clenching of your anus and PC, as if very gently releasing down.
Also try version of inhaling deeply through the mouth, exhale through the mouth with a sound. Repeat immediately again and again. You may feel some lightness of the head.