24 Oct EPS 5: Cuddles for Prescription to Connect
Hey lovers and warriors!
Welcome to Episode 5!
Ever heard of a professional cuddler? There may be something to this! Snuggle in with Dr. Cat and Di as they talk cuddle puddles, bonding, and oxytocin. Learn how you can naturally lift your oxytocin levels for increased intimacy.
- What is oxytocin and how does it relate to our sex and love life?
- How we are using pharmaceuticals to solve intimacy and sex issues instead of natural intimacy building exercises.
- What are natural ways to increase oxytocin and as a result our intimacy?
In a future episode, we are going to dive DEEPER into this topic with gut microbiome specialist, Kiran Krishnan (AGAIN) on the importance of gut health, specifically OXYTOCIN, the love/connection/intimacy/cuddle hormone that boosts orgasms, desire for sex, satisfaction both in the bedroom and in life, as well as faithfulness. The Episode will be called: Oxytocin the missing hormone for love and love making. If your goal is to win a good partner, enjoy them and KEEP them, perhaps it’s not YOU, it’s their gut microbiome…and lack of oxytocin. SO MUCH to cover so stay tuned and be sure to SUBSCRIBE to our newsletter and our channel on itunes to be notified when we come out with these important sexy episodes.
Be sure to check back every Wednesday (#humpday – how appropriate) for a new episode, and head over to iTunes to subscribe!
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A MUST KNOW FACT On Oxytocin
DID YOU KNOW Oxytocin, the LOVE hormone, is released at it’s highest level during labor (in women) and an orgasm*? For men, interestingly, it is ONLY released when you have an orgasm with someone you love. If you’re LOW on Oxytocin, you might also experience low desire for connection, fear of intimacy, difficulty orgasming, vaginal dryness, irrational anxiety, excessive sugar cravings, disturbed sleep and depression to name a few.
ARE YOU LOW ON O? (OXYTOCIN)
There are a number of symptoms for oxytocin deficiency, including:
- Poor communication,
- An element of irritability and inability to feel affectionate,
- More anxieties and fears than normal,
- Sexual interactions are more mechanical and fulfill a basic need,
- Difficulty achieving orgasm,
- Bigger appetite for sugar-rich foods,
- Feeling little joy from life,
- Disturbed sleep, or
- Muscles aches.
Do any (or almost all) of these sound familiar? It sounds like the Average american’s top health/life complaints today! Yikes!
It also helps reduce fat belly storing, energy draining cortisol levels (you know that NO STRESS feeling of relaxation you get after sex) and it reduces inflammation of the vagus nerve, which, no big deal…it only controls blood flow and is the main source of information transformation throughout the WHOLE body. (note sarcasm)
*there IS such thing as Orgasm Induced Labor if you want to get REAL high and bring your baby into the world with extra doses of this powerful hormone!
GOOD SEX, ROCKIN SEX HORMONES AND OXYTOCIN STARTS WITH THIS…
A SEXY BELLY…made possible by KICK ASS gut Health…fueled by SPORE BASED PROBIOTICS.
We believe in Megaspore SO MUCH we’re GIVING YOU $5 to try it to see for yourself.
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WHY YOU’LL LOVE THE SHOW
Real life stories and expert interviews to help you improve your sex life, by addressing mental blocks, nourishing your body, and balancing your hormones. This podcast will feel like you’re sitting down for coffee with your two best girlfriends to chat about the most erotic and embarrassing things you’re dying to share and get advice about. The best part? They’re the experts. Sex expert, Dr. Cat Meyer with hormone and detox expert, nutritionist Diane Kazer reveal to you what works (and what doesn’t) in the most entertaining way, encompassing all things sex and sex hormones such as self-love, sex toys, bedroom play, body shame, libido, frisky food, PMS, hormone balance and anything else sex-blocking you from the sex, life and body you deserve and desire. Each episode will give you simple steps and sexy strategies you can implement NOW to leave you feeling empowered, courageous, playful and motivated. Eat Play Sex is YOUR guide to all things sexy, healthy, and fun to rock the body of your dreams and help you get back in the playground with those you love. Because…#sexmatters
ABOUT US & HOW WE CAN HELP
Intro: This is episode 5 five Eat. Play. Sex. Here’s a hot highlight of what’s to come.
Dr. Cat: That, and honestly, breathing is so erotic to me.
Diane: I know. I was just going to say that.
Dr. Cat: I love listening on people breathe—not creepy breathing.
Diane: Like Darth Vader.
Dr. Cat: Heavy breathing, we associate with something as sexual.
Diane: It’s so sexual.
Dr. Cat: So, the message that I create in my head, “Okay, this is creepier. This is welcome.” That’s me. But in general, breathing is very sensuous, very erotic.
Diane: Yes, especially into someone else’s ear.
Intro: This podcast is for mature audiences, 18 and over and for entertainment purposes only. Please contact your healthcare provider before pursuing any of our topics discussed.
You’re listening to Eat. Play. Sex. with your Queens of Climax, Dr. Kat and Di, the place to get play, sex, and nutrition talk straight to your ears.
Side effects of this podcast may include more lovemaking, hormone harmony, spontaneous sex, exceptional orgasms, less sugar cravings, and more sex cravings. In rare cases, listeners experience a strong desire to try new sexual positions and lube with organic edibles.
If you experience moods happier than usual, contact your Facebook friends immediately.
Diane: Cat, how are you, sister?
Dr. Cat: Hey, girl. I’m good.
Diane: I like that tone. This is going to be a sexy episode. I can just tell right now.
Dr. Cat: Roar!
Diane: Your hear her tone? You guys hear that tone?
Dr. Cat: I had such a great day. I’m not even kidding. It’s not even that anything in particular happened. I started working at 6:30 this morning and just—
Today was me working from home. Sometimes, I’m working or I’m writing, and I just get this urge of sexiness. Do you know what I’m talking about? You know how you get this little fluttering? I describe it as fluttering, this little flutter of sex.
Diane: Flutter of sex in where? What region?
Dr. Cat: In my [yoni].
Dr. Cat: Yoni, meaning my vagina.
Diane: Awesome. Is there something in particular that you were working on that stimulated this or was it just out of nowhere?
Dr. Cat: Often times, it’s literally out of nowhere. I’m just writing, or I’m just doing something, and sometimes, I’ll move in my chair—and I’m not kidding. I’ll move around in my chair, I will switch positions, and I’ll be like, “Ooh…”
Diane: What day of your cycle are you on?
Dr. Cat: Oh, god. I have no idea. You’re better at keeping up with that. I cannot. I cannot. And maybe it’s just me not being mindful of my body. I’m still mindful of my body, it’s just the processes. And it changes for me all the time.
A lot of times, lately though, I’ve noticed, it cycles with the full moon.
Diane: As we should. I’m on day 13 of my cycle right now. And I am just ravenous for cuddling, sex, and orgasms. Don’t move me wrong the way, girl, because I might just lose it over.
Dr. Cat: Don’t move on your chair the wrong way.
Diane: So, did you execute on this flutter, Cat?
Dr. Cat: Yes, that’s what I’m going at. So I’ve been doing this practice where I’m trying to listen and strengthen the inner voice inside of my body. So, any time I get this sensation, I want to go with it.
So, if I get this flutter inside—if I’m at home. If I’m at home, I will go and masturbate. I’d leave my phone where it is, I leave my clock away from me, and I just go and be with myself.
It doesn’t matter how long it takes. I am fully present with my pleasure.
Diane: I love that, #fullypresentwithmypleasure.
Dr. Cat: Yes.
Diane: So how long were you fully present? And were you fully present the whole time?
Dr. Cat: You know what? Yes. I put on some sexy music, I got out my favorite vibrator, and I just spent time with myself.
Today, it was probably about an hour and a half. I kid you not. I kid you not.
Diane: That’s like a movie.
Dr. Cat: I was having so much fun.
Diane: So, you said you were being present with yourself by giving yourself this present.
Dr. Cat: Yes. Christmas present.
Diane: I’ve got another question. So how many orgasms did you have during this hour and a half session, 90-minute session?
Dr. Cat: I have probably three. I would say three.
Diane: And then what kind of vibrator was this because I’m sure people are going to want to know.
Dr. Cat: This one was just my little, tiny bullet because that’s the one I have batteries on it.
Diane: The one I carry in my purse?
Dr. Cat: Yes. I mean, it’s super reliable. It’s just this little guy, and it just gets you there. Your hand is wonderful, but sometimes I like the stimulation of a vibrator. I think of it like my magic wand.
Diane: How many vibrators do you have?
Dr. Cat: I’m like Harry Potter.
Diane: I wonder if it’s Harry.
Dr. Cat: So yes, but really though, I try to build that part of me up because how often do we get those sensations, and then we ignore it, or we push it down. And then we can kill our sex drive.
Whereas the more we engage with ourselves, the more sex hormones we actually produce.
Diane: Keeping the sex drive alive.
Dr. Cat: Yes.
Diane: I like it. Okay, but I’ve got another question. How many toys do you own?
Dr. Cat: I don’t know. That’s a good question. I don’t know. I probably have five.
Diane: Wow! I have three. I could work on that.
Dr. Cat: Yes, but you have to remember, I’ve been in sex therapy for a while. So I go to conventions, and people give me free samples, or they say, “Hey, if you write a review, blah-blah-blah.” And so I get interested into it, and there are different ones out there, and there are so many cool toys out there. There are so many.
Diane: I can’t wait to have the episodes where we’ve got all the different options. We just get to explore them, touch them, and hands on.
So I love, I do love masturbation. I’m currently involved with someone sexually. I guess I’m not masturbating as much, but do the oxytocin rush, girl.
Dr. Cat: It’s interesting, the word, masturbation—you say it, and a lot of people have this reaction where they jump or they contract on themselves. I think masturbation has such an emotionally-laden word. There’s so much history in that.
I think of masturbation, I remember feeling very dirty when I was little.
Dr. Cat: “Don’t say that. Don’t touch yourself.”
Diane: “Ewww… gross.”
Dr. Cat: “It’s a sin.”
Diane: It is. I was raised not Catholic, but I was raised by my father who was raised Catholic. And he was beaten because of exploring himself. And that was his first taste of the religion that he wanted no part of because he’s like, “Well, I’ve been just curious about this thing.”
Dr. Cat: Yes, I got the same thing. And now, for me, I want to explore. I want to figure this shit out.
Diane: Exactly! What’s this outie thing? How many horsepower does this outie have?
And I remember him telling me that story when I was younger because I had my very first orgasm when I was four when I was climbing up a pole. And he had to tell me.
Dr. Cat: What pole were you climbing up?
Diane: I am not a pole dancer now, but I wonder why I did not follow that passion of mine. But here we are, circling back. But that’s a conversation that sometimes parents would think, would probably flinch and go, “Oh, my gosh. Having that conversation with my child, how dare this guy?”
But I think later on down the road, I realized that masturbation is good. It’s oxytocin, and that’s the topic of our talk today.
Dr. Cat: And I also like to call it self-pleasure or self-loving.
Diane: I like those better.
Dr. Cat: I like them because they don’t have so much history, emotional history to it.
Dr. Cat: Yes. So I gave myself some self-love today.
Diane: That’s just beautiful. That sounds so beautiful. I love that.
Dr. Cat: And yes, so I do feel this sort of high sensation afterward. And it makes me so much more excited to come back to my work. I’m a lot more fresh. And a lot of times, when I create a flow, it’s so much better afterward.
Diane: What we’re going to talk about today is oxytocin—what’s referred to as the love hormone, the cuddle hormone, the connection hormone, the trust hormone, the hormone that bonds us together.
Dr. Cat: My favorite hormone.
Diane: Yes, how do you make a hormone?
I remember the very first time we did a podcast was for Playboy Radio. I don’t know if you remember me saying that before I went on an episode, I masturbated myself because it’s, I’m sorry, I like it better. I self-pleasured myself. I self-pleasured myself. I self-pleasured, period.
And it releases serotonin and dopamine, and it just chills us out. It makes us feel this high where there’s a reduction of anxiety and depression, and we can be more present in the moment.
I know you do a lot of work with couples on this, Cat. So what are you the most excited about to talk about today with respect to oxytocin?
Dr. Cat: I’m excited to talk about bonding and intimacy, in general, and how oxytocin can be released—or not released—with that present, with that human intimate connection.
So often, we’re resorting to pharmaceuticals very quickly, like very quickly. And I’m talking younger, healthy individuals versus using organic, holistic ways of gaining bonding or sex drive or erections or any of those things.
I’m most interested to talk about that.
Diane: Me too. From the nutritional side as well, I know that there are so many things. There’s the spiritual component of it, there’s the emotional component, there’s the environmental component to all of this.
I’m really excited to talk about the things that increase oxytocin and things that decrease it, so people can understand. There are consequences to the things that we do watch, believe, who we surround ourselves by, and how this can hinder our sex lives and our sex drive.
The catalyst of all of this is the connection that we have to ourselves.
So we always say that we can’t expect other people to love us unless we love ourselves.
To me, the true version of loving on yourself is what you just started this show with, which I find would be so sad that there’s a lot of people going, “I don’t even masturbate. I don’t even know how or where to start.”
Dr. Cat: Well, that’s going to be a whole other episode, I think, because there are layers and layers and layers. Unfortunately, we are hindered by all the experiences that we’ve had, and all the messages that we have, and all these things that prevent us from actually being able to self-love ourselves.
So layers and layers, it’s like an onion. Think of Shrek. It’s like an onion.
Diane: I talked about onions this week in my Facebook group, on my private women’s Facebook group—that is free, if anybody wants to join. It’s called the Warrior Cleanse currently.
And what I noticed is that a lot of women’s sex drive is just boosting after two months of this “Love My Hormones Shake” which is pretty awesome, which means that they’re increasing the oxytocin by way of their sexual energy with their significant others.
And also onions—we did talk about onions this week in our group because it increases sulfur which detoxifies the body. And the cleaner the body is, the more the hormones, like oxytocin, can work on their receptor sites, which is super cool.
So I’m going to move this over to you, but I’m going to first say that oxytocin is produced in the brain by the hypothalamus, and then released by the pituitary. And so there is this whole HPA, HPT axis where it’s hypothalamus receives the messages from the gut, tells the pituitary the information, the pituitary releases it, and then it goes to the adrenals, the information goes to the ovaries, it goes to the thyroids, the TAO of hormones. And the brain dictates everything.
So I’m going to pass this over to you right now.
Dr. Cat: Well, let’s talk about what does that mean because you just labeled all parts of my body right now, and I’m not quite sure what that means.
Diane: So, the body needs to receive information from the brain. So the brain is the receiver of the information. Really, what they’re saying is the gut is the main brain at this point and our head brain is the second brain.
So this is what they’re now saying with the gut. And that’s why the last episode where we interviewed Karen, we talked a lot about the gut as the primary brain.
Dr. Cat: So yummy!
Diane: So yummy. That episode was amazing. If you guys haven’t listened to that, go back and listen to them. We had so much fun playing with them… figuratively.
Dr. Cat: Do you want to explain how we’ve played with them?
Diane: So, anyway, the brain, it does play a big part in this. And what’s happening is if our body is super stressed—and we’re receiving a lot of information from the outside. Right now, we’re in this really crazy pivotal dark age.
People are like, “What does dark age mean?” Well, dark age means that there’s all this information that stimulate us from the media, from politics, that’s very fear-based.
And so what that does to our brain is it goes, “Oh, crap.” It looks for things to protect us from, so that we’re on guard. So we’re constantly scanning for things that might threaten our existence.
Dr. Cat: I’ll tag off of that. The brain has a natural negative bias. So that means that it naturally scans for negative things. It naturally recalls and remembers negative memories and data to protect ourselves.
That means that we have to take an active role to change our thoughts, an active role of using positive—
Or even gratitude. Gratitude helps us to be able to rewire the circuitry in our brain. And we have to be mindful of it. We have to catch it every time it naturally goes into the negative bias.
Diane: So true! A couple of weeks ago, we just finished a challenge in my women’s group where I had them drinking apple cider vinegar to detox from some of the pathogens.
Dr. Cat: I do that.
Diane: Yes, and that’s what I’m drinking right now. At the same time, I’m having them write down three things that they’re grateful for in the morning when they wake up.
So, just like you said, retraining their brain to scan for things that are positive, that they’re grateful for, which turns down the fear-based mindset, which turns down cortisol, which allows the oxytocin to come out in a flood as opposed to being held back which holds us back from intimacy.
So, the more we fear, the less we’re getting laid. You ever think about it like that? It’s pretty crazy. Turn your TV off.
Dr. Cat: Turn your TV off.
Diane: Unless it’s to watch porn.
Dr. Cat: I use my computer.
Diane: Okay, that’s fine—so do I. Or your smart phone.
Dr. Cat: So that’s interesting that you’re sharing about that, the fear. There are ways that—I mean, naturally, oxytocin is released for us, this cuddle, this love hormone, that we’re talking about. And it’s released during times of like when a baby is born. The mom releases oxytocin. This is supposed to be during labor. This is supposed to promote the bonding between the mom and the child.
It’s also the same thing with breastfeeding. It’s also released during times of hugging for—I think it’s for 20 to 30 seconds, at least, that you start releasing it.
Diane: And Dr. Ava said 12-minute kisses.
Dr. Cat: That’s right.
Diane: Make that 20-minute kisses and hugs.
Dr. Cat: Yes, facial intercourse.
Diane: Yes, I love it.
Dr. Cat: I’m never going to forget that.
Dr. Cat: It’s also released during sex for men and women. However, research tells us that women release it quicker and more often than the men do.
Now, this hormone is supposed to promote bonding and intimacy between people, to ensure that your partner is going to be there or to ensure that you’re going to be taken care of by your mom, to ensure your survival.
The problem that we see is that it also has a dark side to this hormone where, if you are younger and you develop an insecure attachment with your parents, with your primary caregiver, that means a negative attachment. You aren’t sure that your needs are going to be met, those kinds of things.
It can have the opposite effect and actually intensify feelings of fear, paranoia and distance.
Diane: It makes me wonder what the opposite of that would be for someone who has a bad relationship, a little bit of PTSD with their family members.
Dr. Cat: Yes, and think about if they’re struggling with physical touch.
Diane: Massaging even.
Dr. Cat: Yes, and how we can be hyper-vigilant during that. If somebody touches us, “Don’t touch me.” It’s this paranoia that’s going on.
Diane: Yes, physiological response. There’s also talk that C-section babies, they don’t receive the same dose of oxytocin, and the mom doesn’t as well because the birth isn’t finished.
There’s a great documentary by Ricki Lake—we should interview her for this show. It’s called the Business of Being Born. And the statistics is ridiculous.
In New York, these women are scheduling their C-sections because they don’t “have time” for the baby to pop out whenever they’re at work. They don’t want to be inconvenienced.
And so these babies have compromised immune systems later on, and they have compromised relationships because the oxytocin levels are lower. And instead of breastfed, because of that whole oxytocin, they never got to completion, they also have to drink from formula, which screws up the digestive tract. Then they have other issues later on, immune system issues, autoimmune disease, obesity.
That’s for a whole other show. We would get Ricki on the show.
Dr. Cat: But we’re even talking about that right now because physical human touch or intimate human touch, it releases oxytocin. Studies show that babies who are not touched have a lower immune system.
Diane: And Cat, Dr. Cat—you guys know by now what I’m talking about. What Karen was talking about on the last show, if you guys remember, was also that babies who were born through C-sections, not just the oxytocin, the touch, the touch that we have—if I touch you right now, I’m giving you probiotics. Skin to skin is probiotics, and probiotics is immune health.
So it’s so important, this holding thing. This whole episode, lovers, came about when I was saying to Dr. Cat, “Man, I had a really crazy week this week where there’s this theme of oxytocin and lack thereof.” My client’s feeling depression, them feeling low energy, a little PTSD.
And a few them were talking to doctors and the doctors prescribed oxytocin.
And I went, “This is something we need to talk about then” because oxytocin is something that they’re deficient in, maybe from their past. And all of my clients had this intuition to go, “Before I do this, I’m going to think about this. I’m going to talk to my nutritionist and see if there are alternatives.”
And that’s exactly what we’re talking about today. What alternatives are there instead of doing prescription medication? How can this be something that we stimulate naturally that the body is not doing right now already? What am I not doing to increase oxytocin that I can maybe do on my own before I get on this drug?
Dr. Cat: I had a colleague who sent me an article about professional cuddlers.
Dr. Cat: I’m not kidding.
Diane: Would you say, “Hey, I’m a professional cuddler. Cute, wink, wink” or are you talking about somebody who has a career?
Dr. Cat: No. I mean, it’s their career.
Diane: They get paid to cuddle?
Dr. Cat: They charge $80 an hour to come and cuddle you, like big spoon, little spoon, cuddle type of cuddling. Maybe legs intermingled. I don’t really know their styles of cuddling, but yes.
Diane: Is there schooling for this to get certified or are they just making this stuff up?
Dr. Cat: I have no idea. I don’t know. I don’t think they’re making it up. I’m sure they’re using research to back it down. Like what we’re talking about right now, the power of human touch, the power of holding, being held releases so many positive chemicals in our body.
But of course, why not? Why not make this a therapeutic [dare] for yourself?
Diane: This is becoming such an interesting new field. There are the conscious orgasms.
And one of my friends—and this is very common now—who is married and hasn’t had sex with their significant other for a year plus, now I’m hearing that people are paying others to help them consciously orgasm because they’re not able to—yeah, and this is what prompted the conversation between me and my client.
She’s single. She hasn’t been in a relationship for a while. And so she thought of this on her own. She said, “Well, I’ve got an ex-boyfriend. Maybe I’ll just start hanging out with him again. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind it.”
And I said, “Well, do you guys love each other?”
She said, “Yes.”
I said, “Well, why not then?”
What do you think about that with the type of work that you do? You usually work with couples. But what about single individuals who have exes? What are you thoughts in all of that?
Dr. Cat: I highly encourage that type of behavior. However, it has to be consensual. It has to be communicated because you’re playing with potentially somebody getting hurt. If you’re releasing this oxytocin with somebody that you have history with, you’re creating a bond with them. And some people still have that attachment to the relationships, so it’s tricky.
I cuddle with my friends.
Diane: No strings attached.
Dr. Cat: Yes, and I love it.
Diane: No ulterior motive.
Dr. Cat: No. And we have cuddle puddles. We have cuddle puddles. And they’re my favorite.
And you know what? This past weekend, I was cuddling with a couple of friends. And literally, that’s just what we were doing—just snuggled up on the couch, cuddling.
And I could feel myself relax into them. And I knew that I was safe, not only physically safe, but emotionally safe, that nobody was going to think that I was leading them on, that nobody was going to think that I was being a flirt.
There’s nothing wrong with being a flirt, but that I was trying to purposely hurt anybody.
I could melt.
Dr. Cat: And it feels so good.
Diane: And you can feel that body language too when someone just melts into you or when you melt into someone else. It reminds me of these cute, little Disney movies where they’re nosing each other.
What does that call when you nose each other?
Dr. Cat: Eskimo kisses.
Diane: Yes, they’re so cute. To be able to do that with someone is just such a giggly thing, and it makes you just want to cuddle more.
So, one of the things I’ve been doing lately with one of the guys that I’ve been seeing is a lot of cuddling, just silent cuddling, just totally silent.
I’m not on birth control. We’ve just talked about this before. And you can actually connect deeper with someone when you’ve got real pheromones being released by your body, real oxytocin. There’s no chemical interference. You can literally smell each other. And there’s more oxytocin that can be stimulated because there’s no chemical interference.
And it increases my desire to want to have sex with him for sure—for sure, hands down. And our connection too, I don’t feel as defensive when there’s cuddling prior to sex, and then after. So, sandwiching the sex.
For our listeners, I wonder how many of you are just going to straight into sex, and grabbing for the lube, and not doing the foreplay, and not stimulating the release of oxytocin. I just wonder what percentage of our listeners.
Based on the people that you work with, I wonder if you have any estimate on that.
Dr. Cat: There’s a lot. I don’t have an estimate, but there is so much. And I think it’s why they end up coming to see me in my office. And I ask them, “How much foreplay do you actually do? Do you flirt during the day? Do you cuddle? Do you make out?”
I encourage people to act like teenagers sometimes, and go back to the making out where there’s no end result of sex because all of that builds the intimacy.
What I’m seeing—and this is driving me nuts, because there has been such a major influx of use of Viagra or Levitra or—is it Cymbalta? Or Cialis, not Cymbalta. And millions of new prescriptions are written. I think it’s every six seconds, there are more prescriptions being written.
And to me, I’m thinking, “Okay, is it because there are more people that are having this issue, and they’re talking about it?” I don’t think so because look at who they’re targeting right now. It’s a lot of young, very healthy men in their 20s and 30s.
I even hear this as a party drug that is being used. Yes, it’s on more of the social, the party scene, than it is for intimacy.
The thing with that, what that tells me is that before Viagra—I believe, yes, there is erectile difficulties. But you see couples and individuals who approach it in a holistic manner using mindfulness, sensation-focused, using intimacy-building practices. You see them doing more foreplay, building desire practices, fantasies, roleplays, getting creative with their eroticism, communicate.
But right now, it’s, “Oh, my dick isn’t staying up. I’m going to use a pill.”
Diane: I’m just going, “Why/”
Dr. Cat: Why? It’s just dealing with the symptom, but it’s not dealing with the underlying effects. Yes, it can help relax the muscles, so you can increase the blood flow, but why is your body reacting that way in the first place?
Diane: I can’t wait to get to the end where we talk about solutions for people to start practicing. I definitely heard what you just said with the fun exercises, like Dr. Ava, the episode we had with her, that interview. So that’s a great one to go back to and try some of those things—knowing what your language is, and the experiences with your partner. So I think that’s another fun, to go back to the episodes we’ve had before because all of these tie together.
I also wanted to add to what I’m seeing. This woman that first came to me, and was prescribed this drug, the oxytocin drug, she’s menopausal. And the other two women are very close to menopause.
So, what they’re seeing, and what you’re saying, is that they’re targeting these younger men that are having erectile dysfunction. They’re also targeting menopausal women.
The symptoms of deficiency in oxytocin are vaginal dryness and inability to have an orgasm and painful sex. So the bullets that I pulled up is that there are a ton of symptoms for oxytocin deficiency. We’ve talked about some of them already, but one is poor communication. Another one is an element of irritability and inability to feel affectionate, more anxieties and fears than normal. And someone who has sexual interactions, they’re more mechanical to fulfill basic need versus to connect.
Dr. Cat: I’ll let you get back to that, but it’s all very achievement-oriented type of sex.
Diane: Yes, let’s get to the end.
Dr. Cat: Yes. It’s goal-oriented.
Diane: Let’s get there. It’s very testosterone-driven, but it’s not oxytocin-fulfilling and not oxytocin-derived either.
Other ones are difficulty achieving orgasm, bigger appetite for sugar-rich foods. I see a lot of people who have sugar cravings, sweet cravings, carb cravings, sometimes salt cravings.
And the depression thing too, feeling little joy from life.
This is our love hormone, so if we’re not feeling for ourselves, why not? Maybe you have a deficiency of oxytocin as well, especially if you have chronic fatigue, which means that your adrenals are constantly just dripping cortisol, and that’s that stress hormone, so they antagonize one another.
And then disturbed sleep. I know of a person who just lost his father, and he’s not able to sleep. He’s on tons of hardcore sleep meds. He can’t sleep, can’t build muscle.
And then muscle ache is another one. So people taking a lot of potassium, magnesium, it’s barely working. They’re buying all these things to spread, rub all over their body, even including CBD, which works little, but still not getting to the root.
So how many things are we doing? How many medications, how many prescriptions, how many topicals, how many therapy sessions that we’re spending and investing all this money, and is it working? Are really not getting to the root? Is it really, truly just oxytocin, and that we need to do some of the things that we’re going to talk about toward the end of the episode today.
Dr. Cat: The power of human touch.
Diane: Yeah. And I find it a little cheeky, but at the same time, I have to turn my cheek away when I hear people say, “Oh, all of you hippies, all of you free hug hippies.” I’m like, “Well, maybe you need some more oxytocin.”
Dr. Cat: You need some cuddle. You want to hug? You want a free hug? I got me a sign that says free hugs. You want some? You want a prescription?
Diane: You want this up your nose? And they’re like, “No, don’t touch me.” Maybe they’ve had the issues that you’ve talked about earlier, Dr. Cat. They had a bad experience with their mom, or they didn’t have a good connection. Maybe they’re C-section babies.
So maybe it’s not “their fault,” but maybe they just don’t even understand the root.
Dr. Cat: There are so many reasons that people don’t want to touch. There are hypersensitive people too who get overstimulated with touch too, and people who are very stressed out, very anxious. One more sensation, and they’re over.
But this is just one aspect that we’re talking about, and we’re saying, “Let’s just hug.” Let’s just hug.
Come back to touching. I’m rubbing her shoulder right now.
Diane: Hugs not drugs.
Diane: Do you feel better?
Just being able to receive that—and I come from a family where my mom didn’t touch me a lot. And I don’t know why. She wasn’t touched a lot. I had to work really heart—heart work—I had to work a lot on heart work to be able to receive touch.
Becoming a yoga teacher, which is how you and I know each other, that helped me a lot because I had to touch other people. And then as I was laying in Savasna, and receiving that touch, I felt my body, over time, releasing and accepting.
And of course, yoga helps too, to stimulate oxytocin through the vagus nerve by deep belly breathing.
Do you want to start talking about solutions now, Dr. Cat? Do you think it’s a good time, or do we have some other things to talk about before?
Dr. Cat: No, I think this is a great time. You were just talking about the vagus nerve. Can you tell our listeners what that is?
Diane: Vagus, like Last Vegas. The vagus nerve is something that basically connects our gut to our brain. And that’s the second brain and the first brain.
Dr. Cat: Wait! Which brain?
Diane: Both brains. There are two. And again, we’re talking about—
Dr. Cat: And for men, there are three.
Diane: How many heads do you have? Well, now, it’s just beautiful.
There is the gut brain, so this is what now we’ve talked about earlier that researchers are saying is our primary brain. So now, there’s this question as to what is the main brain. Is it our stomach, is it our gut, is it our large intestine that is sending this information to the brain, or is the brain on our head receiving this information to the main brain?
We’re still debating all of that, but it connects these two together, so that they can talk to each other.
And so what the vagus nerve does is it allows this freeway to be clear and clean, so that things can communicate.
And you talked about the third brain.
Dr. Cat: It makes me think we should get tee shirts—team head brain, team belly brain, team penis brain.
Diane: Dickhead, dick brain, dick something.
So yes, we receive information in many ways. But by way of breath work, and this is in yoga—and I hear me take a deep breath, an eight-second deep breath in [breathing in], and then an eight-second [breathing out]. And that just drops me right in.
Dr. Cat: That and honestly, breathing is erotic to me.
Diane: I know. I was just going to say that.
Dr. Cat: I love listening to people breathe—not creepy breathing.
Diane: Darth Vader.
Dr. Cat: Heavy breathing, we associate with something as sexual.
Diane: It’s so sexual.
Dr. Cat: The message that I create in my head, “Okay, this is creepier. This is welcome.” That’s me. But in general, breathing is very sensuous, very erotic.
Diane: Yes, especially into someone else’s ear.
There are some songs that I really love that if I need to drop into my foreplay, if I feel like I need to connect to myself, I’ve got some emotions that I’m not resolving, that I feel like I need to work through right now, there are several songs that have this—to me, it’s beautiful and very goddess and very sensual.
So that type of breathing where you’re literally—guys, even if you feel like you’ve got the monkey brain going like, “I can’t meditate because my brain never stops,” then you’re the kind of person that needs it more.
So, that type of breathing is something that can definitely stimulate oxytocin. For me, sometimes after—and you’ve talked about this before, Dr. Cat, where you’ve had people come in and have orgasms in your class.
Dr. Cat: Yes. Yes, they have. They’ve told me afterward.
Diane: That could be the vagus nerves stimulation and all of the brains that have been stimulated.
Dr. Cat: Well, I’m sure it is. But I think in that particular situation, her clitoris was stimulated. But yes, breathing definitely.
And when you breathe, your sensory receptors are open, so you’re a lot more highly sensitive to be able to allow those things.
…which actually brings me into one of the solutions I was going to say—and guys, pay attention to this one—drop down into your five senses, drop down into the sensation of your penis.
And I say that because we have such busy brains in our heads that we disconnect, or we can reduce the sensation because we’re off either in fantasy—fantasy is not bad, but understand how it affects your sensation. So we can be off somewhere else or thinking of our to-do list, but we’re not as much into sensation.
So for those who have difficulty with erections, being able to drop down into your senses, especially your touch sensation in your genitals, specifically, is highly recommended.
There are so many things today that we can do to stimulate oxytocin. And I would say even adding to what you just said—not just for men, but for females too—leave the [inaudible 00:39:54] out of the bedroom please. And even if you can leave the computer out of the bedroom, that way there’s not work sitting there as a reminder that you’ve got something else to do.
Dr. Cat: And work on things like your intimacy as in tuning in with the foreplay. Don’t skip foreplay.
Again, that foreplay is super intimate, so some of us could get really anxious around foreplay because it’s like all of a sudden, I’m highly aware of how my partner is feeling or how my body feels and all this stuff. Stay with that because that’s going to also help you with your erections. That’s going to help you with your orgasms. That’s going to help you with the bonding and releasing the oxytocin that we’re talking about.
Incorporate sexual stimulation like new things—role play, things that are exciting, novel and different because those can get the—I forgot what word I was going to give. The variation can be enough to stimulate you and your sexy time. It makes you want to have sex more.
Diane: Absolutely! There’s something to be said about also the way that you foreplay. This new guy that I’ve been—we’re almost, I guess, in a committed relationship at this point, but—
Dr. Cat: It’s all right. It’s always so funny when people talk about where they are in their stage. It’s like, “It’s complicated. He’s my guy friend. He’s my dude friend. He’s my not my boyfriend. He’s my man friend.” What? We’re talking, we’re dating, we’re hanging out. We’re Netflixing and chilling.
Diane: We’re sexing. Yeah, for sure. The other day, he had this thing, and it just bothers me. I’m thinking oxytocin in my mind. It’s only one minute or two minute kissing, and then they lick their hand, and then they put their wet fingers on your vagina. And you’re like, “No.”
Just stimulate me. I can naturally make my own juices. I don’t need you to lick your finger. That just means you’re being lazy.
I said it in a very nice way, and he got it. So it was pretty cool. I want to connect with you differently, and I want oxytocin, and I want the juices to flow on my own. I will get wet just fine, but you’ve got to work on me a little bit.
And then look at what you can make on your own.
The things I wanted to share with respect to food and oxytocin is something that is really interesting when I was on the phone with my client. I said, “There are some really fun things you can do with nutrition in or out of the bedroom.”
You may have heard of Jack Johnson. He’s a musician.
Dr. Cat: Yes. It reminds me of college.
Diane: Yes, me too.
Dr. Cat: The very beginning of college.
Diane: It reminds me of Hawaii because I was dating a guy. It was my boyfriend at the time. He sings a song called Banana Pancakes.
Dr. Cat: I literally used to play that song while making banana pancakes in the dorms.
Diane: What a great idea. So here’s how you can supercharge your oxytocin. Are you ready for this? There are five in this one.
Dr. Cat: Bring it.
Diane: Make some banana pancakes with banana on top or mixed in—preferably on top.
Dr. Cat: On top.
Diane: On top, hashtag. And you’re a vegan, but if you’re not vegan, eggs also stimulate high levels of oxytocin. If you think about it, it’s an egg from a chicken. It just laid an egg, so hey, there’s oxytocin in life.
So, you’ve got an egg, use whey protein powder, or you can use plant-based, whatever. And then cut up some bananas on top. Have those bananas for breakfast. And you can bring those to the bedroom while you’re making banana pancakes.
This is a third one. You’re listening to music, singing.
Dr. Cat: Or playing the ukulele because you learned how to play the ukulele.
Diane: What?! Ukulele, so you can do that, guitar.
Dr. Cat: I’m making my fantasy right now.
Diane: Can someone paint a picture of this and send it to us? Thanks. And at the same time, you could be hugging your partner, or kissing your partner, and laughing with your partner.
That’s like 6-in-1—hugging, kissing, that’s two, laughing, bananas, eggs, and listening to music. Did I say that one?
Dr. Cat: Yes.
Diane: Yes, all of those, oxytocin.
Dr. Cat: Are you big spoon or little spoon?
Diane: Do I like to be held more, or do I like to cuddle more?
Dr. Cat: Are you big spoon or little spoon?
Diane: I don’t get it. I don’t understand.
Dr. Cat: The big spoon is the one on the outside. The little spoon is the one on the inside.
Diane: They like to be cuddled.
Dr. Cat: Sure. They’re both cuddling.
Diane: I like the little spoon. I like to be cuddled. I’ll do either, but I like to be this little curly up thingy. I sleep with a monkey every night—not a real one. He likes bananas too.
But I do. I sleep with a monkey every night because I’m sure there is something there to cuddling. I feel cuddling sensation with this stuffed animal, but he’s got one eye.
Dr. Cat: So I think that we can create a totally social movement out of this, #CuddleNation.
Dr. Cat: #monkeys. No. Switch your mindset. Shift back. I think we need to see more cuddling.
Diane: I 100% agree. And you know what I would love? I think it would be so cool, Cat, if we saw pictures of people cuddling and hugging and laughing and banana pancaking and hashtagging the hell of this. And just inspiring their friends to do it.
Dr. Cat: Share them with me. I want to see them.
Diane: It could be food porn—pictures of your banana pancakes, and you hugging and spooning your pancakes preferably with someone that you’re sharing them with.
That’s the other thing—sharing and giving, giving money, doing favors for people. That’s another way to stimulate oxytocin.
So that’s the seventh one in this picture that we just painted is you’re making this pancakes—they’re gluten-free, of course—and you’re giving them to your partner.
Dr. Cat: GMO-free.
Dr. Cat: Animal cruelty-free.
Diane: We like Annie’s brand. I like Annie’s brand anyway.
So yes, I think we covered a good eight in that one right there. And then, connecting with people that you haven’t for a long time, maybe through your Facebook, getting on the phone with someone.
I would say to someone who’s fear-based mindset, watching the news all the time, “Turn that off. Call a friend you haven’t talked to for a long time. Reconnect.”
Dr. Cat: Write us a review.
Diane: Yes. That’s perfect.
Dr. Cat: I love you guys. We’d love to hear how we can keep this show yours. So hit us up if you ever want to be a guest on our show. Leave us a review on iTunes. It’s one of our favorite ways that you can show us love because it helps us keep this show yours.
So until next week, Cuddle Nation, #CuddleNation, send us those photos and love.
Closing: Thanks for tuning in, lovers. Don’t forget to subscribe to our channel. You can find out more about our guests and topics from our show by checking out CatMeyer.com or DianeKazer.com.
Until next time! Don’t forget to nourish your sex life.