20 Oct EPS 3: Your Sex Drive and How to reVIVE It
Hey lovers and warriors!
Welcome to Episode 3!
Find out why your sex drive has become less than sparkling and how you can bring it back to life.
What’s killing our desire for sex? Dr. Cat and Di bring you the culprits both in your gut, brain, and heart. Tune in to hear 3 factors that can rive any human being WILD with desire, even in long-term relationships to bring that spark back. Diane shares insight to women’s change in sexual desire over the course of her moon cycle, so you don’t have guess or blame yourself! (Men might want to listen up!) Finally, we give a little dishing on Diane’s current love and sex life and how she’s been fueling her desire. Because, #sexmatters
In this episode you’ll hear:
- What is killing our sexual desire. Why do we struggle with maintaining a want for sex?
- Find out what factors drive humans wild and how you can incorporate it in your dating, sex, and long-term relationships to keep them on fire.
- Do you ever tense up or stop your action prematurely when you start feeling a sensation of pleasure? You’re not alone, but that need for control has got to GO!
- Diane dishes on her sex and love life
- Women’s moon cycle and how it affects her sexual desire—Ladies, how EMPOWERING to learn this. And, Men?…Listen up! Is it possible to PLAN the best times to play in the bedroom and beyond? YEP
Be sure to check back every Wednesday (#humpday – how appropriate) for a new episode, and head over to iTunes to subscribe!
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Thankfully, our goal is to make your sex hormones, dream body and sex life more convenient and enjoyable than THAT process…but regardless…We appreciate hearing from you more than you’ll ever know!
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SEXY HERBS TO REV UP YOUR SEXUAL FIRE
“If you want to be more alive, love is the truest health.” XO ~ Rumi
Collectively, we talk to thousands of people on a monthly basis. And from we’ve gathered, it seems over 80% of them desire more energy and sexual fire, they desire to feel more ALIVE. This is ONE way we’ve seen many come alive in MANY ways…
Win these OR buy them at 10% now – READ ON…
In celebration of Valentine’s Month, we are giving away our Favorite Chinese Herb Love Tonic Duo — BioRay Lady Passion and Red Rooster to one woman and one man.
Here’s How to PLAY lovers!
Starting Wednesday, February 1st,
- Post a picture of you and your LOVER (OR someone you LOVE if you’re single) on your FACEBOOK wall, then tag @KazerWellness and @Dr. cat meyer with #eatplaysex and #sexmatters
- Then, tell us something you love about them— one thing — that butterflies your belly and happy’s your heart!
- Lastly, state one reason why you LOVE our show.
That’s it! You’re now entered to win.
- If you’re in a relationship, tell your sweetheart to do the same and DOUBLE your chances to win Lady Passion and Red Rooster!
These herbs…what’s in it for YOU?
The herbs in Red Rooster and Lady Passion stimulate blood flow, CHI (life) and fire through our entire body INCLUDING our favorite parts. The amount of stress we’re exposed to today, unfortunately is burning a lot of that out, rendering us exhausted and sex hormone depleted. Enter these powerfully vivid endocrine boosting, body warming Chinese herb blend tonics that not only rev up your energy, but also your sexual charge. Lady Passion balances hormones, increases female sex drive, supports healthy blood flow, and moistens the system. (we love this for not only sexual health but also for hormonal and PMS regulation) Red Rooster is a powerful pro-sexual tonic that amplifies the masculine side of a person and is for men who desire more energy, stamina and staying power as well as women who would like more energy, to supercharge work outs and boost sex drive. (we love this for ‘pre work’ outs, which could ALSO include the bedroom, MEOW). Combined, both stoke your sexual FIRE. You think you had a healthy sex drive/life/partner NOW…?
Cause HEY, let’s face it. Healthy sexual fire & stamina is a SUPER positive sign of vitality!
We will announce the winning couple on Tuesday, February 14th (JUST IN TIME FOR YOUR HOT DATE).
- DOUBLE BONUS — To show our love for your PARTICIPATION, everyone who enters will receive a 10% off coupon codeto use on any purchase of Red Rooster and/or Lady Passion! If you can’t wait until Valentines Day to discover if you won or not, just use this code ‘sexmatters’ to get 10% off your next purchase. Get BOTH so you’re both SUPER ready for the big night.
GROW and GLOW Lovers!
We can’t wait to see your SHARES!
WHY YOU’LL LOVE THE SHOW
Real life stories and expert interviews to help you improve your sex life, by addressing mental blocks, nourishing your body, and balancing your hormones. This podcast will feel like you’re sitting down for coffee with your two best girlfriends to chat about the most erotic and embarrassing things you’re dying to share and get advice about. The best part? They’re the experts. Sex expert, Dr. Cat Meyer with hormone and detox expert, nutritionist Diane Kazer reveal to you what works (and what doesn’t) in the most entertaining way, encompassing all things sex and sex hormones such as self-love, sex toys, bedroom play, body shame, libido, frisky food, PMS, hormone balance and anything else sex-blocking you from the sex, life and body you deserve and desire. Each episode will give you simple steps and sexy strategies you can implement NOW to leave you feeling empowered, courageous, playful and motivated. Eat Play Sex is YOUR guide to all things sexy, healthy, and fun to rock the body of your dreams and help you get back in the playground with those you love. Because…#sexmatters
ABOUT US & HOW WE CAN HELP
Dr. Cat: Hey, lovebirds. This is Dr. Cat. And I’m here with Diane Kazer.
Dr. Cat: We’re here today to talk to you about the juiciest secrets surrounding sexual interest and sexual desire.
Dr. Cat: So, this weekend was Thanksgiving.
Dr. Cat: Turkey day!
I was out in the desert all weekend. I was out in the Joshua Tree, enjoying lots of amazing, amazing food. It was all vegan.
Diane: Dessert or desert?
Dr. Cat: Desert… dessert.
Diane: You went to the desert, and then did the dessert.
Dr. Cat: I did, I did, yeah.
Diane: Wait! Dessert in the desert.
Dr. Cat: Oh, my God! I had so much dessert. It was so much. I was so full. I was really lethargic after Thanksgiving. I slept all the rest of the day. And it made me think more about what I was eating and how that was impacting my energy levels. I thought, “Especially food that I ate, how would’ve that impacted my sex drive?”
Diane: Oh, wow! Seriously…
Wait! Let me get clear in this. For the listeners, I’m not sure if you guys know… Cat is vegan. And so she’s not consuming a lot of the same things that—the average American diet is the standard American diet, the SAD diet. So, for you to say that you binged on desserts, and felt lethargic the next day, I want to hear more about these desserts. Tell us the sweetness that was these desserts that you had.
Dr. Cat: I definitely didn’t do a tofurky this year. I did that last year. Never, never, never again.
Diane: Why not?
Dr. Cat: Because it tasted awful. It was weird. It was like this lump of jelly-ish. I poked and it left an imprint of my finger. Don’t do it! I know, I know…
Diane: Ooh… like clay dough?
Dr. Cat: It was so weird.
Dr. Cat: No, but I ate food that I don’t normally eat. So, we had dinner rolls and we had pie and stuff like that.
I don’t do gluten, so I don’t do wheat because it really messes with me.
Diane: Me neither.
Dr. Cat: I don’t know if that was it, but that was, “Eh…”
You know what though? I’m with my 94-year old aunt too. She’s my great aunt. And she, every night, has a glass of wine with her dinner. I don’t drink except with her. I totally did!
Diane: That’s adorable.
Dr. Cat: I had maybe a glass… a glass and a half. I didn’t even finish what I was drinking. She just got drinking, and I was like, “Oh, I don’t know if I can handle this.”
Diane: Wait! So, you had gluten and alcohol, and those were out of character for you.
Dr. Cat: That’s the only thing that I did differently.
Diane: Did you have dairy?
Dr. Cat: No, not at all.
Diane: What about the sugar source?
Dr. Cat: Wine… pie?
Diane: Yeah, okay. So, you went standard. No dairy, got glutened, more of the things that you don’t really have, and sugar from the alcohol.
For sure, that could’ve sent you over the hump. And you had bread too, you said, bread rolls?
Dr. Cat: Yeah.
Diane: Yeah, that’s one of the things. If you want to have a good next day after Thanksgiving, you don’t put bread on the bread basket. I didn’t have that much of a hangover on Friday, Thanksgiving hangover because I didn’t have any gluten. So that’s a big part of it. Gluten and alcohol does spike your blood sugar, and then drop you real quick thereafter. It will definitely destroy your mood.
And that’s what we’re going to talk about today, for sure.
Dr. Cat: Oh, good.
Diane: We’ve got a lot of juicy stuff to talk about today.
Dr. Cat: I was just going to say… I definitely didn’t feel sexy after Thanksgiving, like zero.
Diane: It could also be a good thing depending on what part of your cycle you’re in, to not have your sex drive. We’re going to talk about that as well. Your cycle dictates your mood and your drive—and so too can food, food and mood.
Dr. Cat: I can see that. I definitely feel sexier around certain parts of the month. And then, other times, I’m like, “Oh, my God! Don’t touch me. Not interested…”
Diane: That is so important for women to understand about themselves…
Dr. Cat: Men too!
Diane: …and then the men of the women—women, first, they belittle themselves. “I feel so bad when I can’t give him what he wants”—or my partner, even if it’s a her. “I feel like I’m less than because I make them feel less than because I don’t have a drive.” And then, the recipient feels like, “Well, if I’m not desired, then I’m not worthy. And then, both people feel low.”
So, it’s important to understand all the things that can affect our mood and our desire and our cravings for sex and play—through food. Eat. Play. Sex.
Dr. Cat: Yeah, yeah.
And I think it reduces the shame because it’s not so personal about us.
Dr. Cat: There’s more to this than just desire or wanting or worthiness. It’s like all these processes that are going on in my body.
You know, I was going to say Thanksgiving was juicy for turkey. Turkey was beautiful. I had it organic…
Dr. Cat: If you ate it.
Diane: If you ate it, correct, exactly. And then, over this last weekend, I had some juicy sexcapades.
Dr. Cat: Whoa! Juicy sexcapades…
Diane: Yes, yes.
I started my cycle. Day one was Friday. I started bleeding the day after Thanksgiving. But yet, still, I had a crazy sex drive and I had a lot of connections happening.
And so, it really surprised me, Cat, because what we’re going to talk about today with the things that I’ll talk about are very hormonally related and chemically—the things that happen in our lives chemically—that can drive down our sex drive.
And where I was with my cycle—I surprised myself because I went on two amazing dates this weekend.
Dr. Cat: Oh, my God!
Diane: Yeah. And I’m not supposed to be these days of our cycle. Day one, two and three, we’re not as playful. We’re a little bit more “retreative”—is that a word, “retreative”?
Dr. Cat: Uh-huh… let’s make it up, hashtag.
Diane: #retreative, see if it flows.
But I was flowing, but I was also flowing.
Dr. Cat: Ah, interesting.
And that actually leads into what I’m going to be talking about because we so often sabotage our sexual interest. I want to talk to us about what actually gets humans to drive themselves wild. What is it? How are we stopping ourselves? Because we are.
Diane: Drive wild “in the bedroom and beyond” sort of a thing.
Dr. Cat: Well, in the bedroom, but also in regards to flirting and in regards to those long-term relationships, whether it’s married and committed. That part often diminishes or we see that diminish. But we don’t realize how much of that we are creating for ourselves and how much we can create the feeling of being “driving wild” or that lusty feeling, that craving for the other person.
Dr. Cat: Yeah…
Diane: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, this is one of those where I would say… are you someone who has ever sat down and pondered, “Why can’t I just not crave this person?” Are you someone who has sat down and just thought, “Why do I not feel sexy?” Are you someone that wonders, “Where did our connection go?” Are you someone that thinks, “Gosh! I wish that we had our flirting back and our love life?”
Or are you someone that things—and this is for me. When you told me what you want to talk about, I was like, “I need this. I want this.” Why can’t I just let the process of flirting and dating be what it is instead of rushing it?
So, if any of those five conditions, this episode is going to be super juicy for you.
Dr. Cat: Ah, I’m so excited by it. Literally, I feel my hands shaking with excitement. I’m just going to let myself feel that excitement for a moment.
Dr. Cat: Ahhh…
So, here’s a question that I think everybody’s wanting to know. Are you going to tell us about these dates?
Okay, we won’t name names. It’s pretty awesome when you put it out into the world and the universe and God or whoever your higher power is as to what you desire. So, I put it out there and someone set me up on a date on Friday. What day is it? Monday. Okay, it was a Saturday date…?
Dr. Cat: Wait! Wait. What did you put out there? I don’t get that.
Diane: Yeah, I put out there what I was looking for in a relationship or in just a man or even just anything, a connection. I said that “this is what I want in a man for now. I would love to be pursued. I would love a man who’s super confident. I would love a man who appreciates intelligent women. I would love a man who is not threatened by my sexual prowess. I would love a man who wants to take charge in different dynamics of our relationship or life. And I would love a sexy man…”
And you know what? It doesn’t need to be the [six foot]. I’ve given that one up.
So, I just put it out there. I actually even spoke to a couple of my girlfriends about it. And so one of them said, “Hey, I want you to meet this guy.”
Dr. Cat: Oh, cool!
Diane: We went out on Saturday and had an amazing date. It went from 6 p.m. to 5 a.m.
Dr. Cat: What?!
Diane: I know!
Dr. Cat: What?!
Diane: It involved beaches and dancing and glow lights and music and sushi.
Dr. Cat: Oh, my God! That’s more than what a lot of people do in a month.
Diane: I know! I know, right?
But Cat—oh, my gosh, Cat—I’m so vibing with this guy right now, but I felt the same of me starting to downplay my desire for him. I was like…
Dr. Cat: Like you can’t get excited. “Don’t get too excited.”
Diane: Yeah! “Don’t give it up. Be careful how much you give on the first date. Be careful what you say. Don’t give it all away because men like the chase.” And so I started getting in my head.
And he was so conscious that I was able to speak my mind about those things. I was able to hear and receive from him, “Don’t over-think it. Don’t over-think it.”
Then I started thinking, “I’m over the over-thinking the fact that he’s telling me not to over-think it.” And before he knew it, I was like kind of getting closed off on the beach at 4 a.m.
Dr. Cat: What?!
Dr. Cat: Don’t give me that face. Right now, Diane is giving this face of like…
Diane: Which face?
Dr. Cat: …she’s contracting.
Diane: I totally am.
Dr. Cat: Don’t do that.
Diane: Yeah, I am. I am.
Dr. Cat: Okay, okay. So, you had this one day, and then you had another day.
Dr. Cat: Now, she’s back.
Diane: Well, there are different dynamics. That date was amazing. But of course, in my head, I’m going, “Oh, did I give too much away? Was I authentic?” There’s all that happening. “Is he going to call me again? Did I fuck it up? I’m giving too much away too soon.” So that’s what that face, that contracting and butt-squeezing that I feel right now.
Dr. Cat: You can squeeze your butt?
Diane: This is me contracting.
Dr. Cat: Yeah, yeah. I wish you guys can see here right now. She’s just squeezing her butt.
Diane: It’s like uncomfortable. In the moment, it was comfortable. But then, did I…
Dr. Cat: Yeah…
Diane: And I know a lot of people feel this. So it’ll be a good episode, to get your—you know, you guiding me I guess in that situation and people can hear that from the outside.
And then, the second date was just yesterday. It was just playing. It was playing. It was being out in nature and playing and going to the Ritz for sweet potato fries.
Dr. Cat: Oh, my God! I love sweet potato fries. Does that kill my sex drive?
Diane: Ooh, no. Absolutely not, no!
Dr. Cat: Okay, good. Because I’m going to eat them all the time. Well, I do.
Diane: Yeah, yeah. Sweet potato fries are actually really, really good for our hormones.
Dr. Cat: Alright! I’m putting that on my list of foods I can have for sex drive.
Diane: However, if you get them from somewhere and they’re just cooked in vegetable oil and a bunch of rancid, putrid oils, then it can be bad.
Dr. Cat: Oh, okay, yeah.
Diane: So, that was a good day yesterday. I spent the night with him and just had a chill day. We talked about coffee enemas.
Dr. Cat: In future episodes, we’re going to talk about topics you don’t bring up on the first date.
Diane: Well, it wasn’t our first date.
Dr. Cat: Diane is going to lead that one.
Diane: But it wasn’t the first date. I’ve known him for six months, so he knows who I am. He knows what I talk about.
Dr. Cat: So, the timeline is after six months, you can talk about sticking things up your rear, coffee enemas.
Diane: You guys talk about butt sex. Why can’t I talk about different things that go in there?
So, it was a very, very enlightening weekend. And it was a very diversified weekend. But of course, I’m so scared, Cat, to open myself up to people who then could walk away.
Dr. Cat: Oh, there we go!
Diane: That’s my biggest fear, yeah. And that’s what holds me back from what your points are today.
Dr. Cat: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I’m super excited. Why don’t we just jump on in there then?
Diane: Let’s jump.
Dr. Cat: What you’re talking about right now, I’m hearing a lot.
I think, for one thing, people stop themselves from feeling pleasure and excitement in sexual interest or in dating interest because they feel like if they start feeling that—this is the excitement that we’re talking about—then they have to go from either zero or one hundred. So, if they’re not all the way in, all the way certain that they’re interested, then they won’t even allow themselves to feel it.
And the same thing with sex. If we start flirting with somebody or if we start being a little more passionate or just flirty, I guess, seductive, then we assume—men and women across the board—then we assume, “Oh, that means that I’m allowing for it to be okay to go all the way into intercourse.”
So, sometimes, we don’t even allow ourselves to be in that space of just feeling sexy, of just feeling seductive and not have the underlying agenda that it’s going to go all the way.
I’ve heard this from men and women both.
I recently had this conversation with a friend of mine. He was talking to me in all curiousness. He just didn’t know, so I held that space of compassion for him. He said, “Cat, sometimes, you are very sexy and sexually expressive—the way you dance and the way you dress.” And he was so nervous. He’s like, “I don’t know how to say this without coming out wrong.” I was like, “It’s okay. I’ll hear you out.” He said, “You’re attracting the wrong kind of attention.”
I was like, “Well, what do you mean by that?”
He’s like, “Well, when you dress and are sexually expressive, men see you and it’s their primal move to want to have sex with you. They want things that aren’t necessarily positive.”
I was like, “Oh, that’s interesting. Yeah, probably.”
I think, to me, to see a woman in her sexual expression is incredibly attractive. It’s her being in her experience. And she’s giving other people permission to be sexy in their own experience.
So, that’s how I like to see myself, but I can see what he’s talking about because, yes, of course, it’s going to be attractive to men and women, some of them want just sex or they see you as a sexual object—that’s where I’m going with that—but the difference is how I interact with people while I’m in that expression.
If people approach me because they’re interested, because they’re attracted, there is nothing wrong with that.
Dr. Cat: Nothing.
Diane: It’s instinctual, and it’s embedded in all of us.
Dr. Cat: Exactly! But it’s how they approach me first of all. If they grab my waist, if they grab my wrist, if they catcalled me, those are not appropriate ways to get my attention or to let me know that they also have sexual interest in me as well, no.
They can approach me and talk to me, introduce themselves, maybe dance near me. That’s fine. And then, how I interact with them, how I respond to them let’s them know where I stand.
So, I can say, “No, I’m not interested” or “No, I’m okay. Thank you though.” I can say, “I’m dancing by myself.” I can say any of those things as long as I’m mindful that I don’t try to embarrass them.
Diane: Right! It’s not about judgment.
Dr. Cat: Exacty!
Diane: Do not put them down.
Dr. Cat: I’m not putting them down.
Diane: Because they’re just being themselves.
Dr. Cat: Right! And we don’t know that somebody is interested or not interested until we say something.
What used to be my […], I used to not speak up because I didn’t feel like my voice was strong enough. I remember in the past going out or doing things and playing down my sexuality because I was afraid that if I spoke out about it, people would shoot me down. In fact, I have had that. I’ve had in the past be like, “No, I’m not interested” and somebody being like, “Oh, you have boyfriend” or they would be like, “Oh, you’re a slut.” They would just come back with me on something.
But I’ve noticed now that when I’m in my sexual expression and I say, “No, I’m not interested” in a very respectful, but clear, strong voice, they respond to it.
I don’t embarrass anybody. I don’t try to be like, “Ewws…” I recognize that they’re a human being too.
Diane: Yeah, that’s compassion.
Dr. Cat: Yeah. So that allows me to feel pleasure in my body, in my expression. It allows me to be without those inhibiting filters while still allowing people to approach me and assert my boundaries.
Diane: So, for the listeners, how would you tie that into the recommendation that you have to improve their drive, improve their connection to self, so they can improve their sex lives—or sexual experiences, it doesn’t even have to be like sex to be active. It can be the things leading up to it.
Dr. Cat: I think it’s challenging, that inner cognition or the inner thought that tells us that “If I’m acting flirty or sexy or seductive, that that means I have to be okay with sex.” No, you don’t. You can be in your flirtatious, seductive, sexual expression and that’s as far as it goes. And that is okay. You’re not leading people on.
You are not leading people on. You’re not tricking anybody.
Diane: Manipulation, I know it’s a lot of…
Dr. Cat: You’re not manipulating people.
Diane: A lot of people think—including myself (though this voice isn’t there as much anymore)—“If I’m thinking these things, if I’m acting them out, then people are going to realize I’m a fraud. I’m not really this way. I’m that way.”
Dr. Cat: Yeah! And even in committed relationships, even in marriages, how they stop flirting or they stop being seductive because they’re afraid that their husband is going to think that “Oh, that’s the green light for sex.” Not necessarily.
Even the men will stop themselves from flirting or being seductive or playful because they think their wife might assume that it’s going to be this and then sex. This equals sex.
Diane: What’s wrong with that anyway?
Dr. Cat: Well, because some women—and men do this too—they condition themselves, “If my partner starts being flirty with me, maybe they aren’t in the mood to have sex,” so they’ll shut it down.
Diane: Yeah, yeah.
Dr. Cat: Nobody wants to be rejected. Nobody wants to be shut down, so then they avoid it entirely in order to avoid the rejection.
Diane: Yeah, which is I think a communication flaw because in relationships I know where if the guy is flirting, then his partner […] is like, “I’m just not in the mood to do that with you right now,” I gave them an alternative. It was like, “Hey, not right now, but how about this?”
And so it was like they didn’t get rejected, there was a different plan, there was a different [crum] where they didn’t feel put down versus if someone is going, “I’m just not in the mood right now.” Over time, it’s like, “Well, what’s the point of even gesturing?”
But then I think that, on the flipside, if it’s the pursuer that’s flirting, if the pursuer is flirting with always the goal in mind to have sex, then the person who is being pursued then is talking to that.
Can you talk to that? How can either person just flirt for the act of flirting which is the foreplay before the sex that could be weeks, days, hours before?
Dr. Cat: Yeah. I mean, I think it’s really important to be practicing on a regular and even talking—I mean, a) communication is never bad. So talking to your partner and leaving these breadcrumbs like…
Diane: Gluten-free ones…
Dr. Cat: Gluten-free and vegan please. And I’ll talk more on this in a little bit, but I’ll talk to you about how you can do this in a way that builds eroticism without intercourse.
Diane: Oh, I need this. I need this too myself.
Dr. Cat: Now, I also understand that, sometimes, we just aren’t feeling that sexual desire. And sometimes, it’s even beyond our mental processes, but it can be biological.
Diane: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is where I come in because the talk can be so much hormonal, biological, chemical. Our body is always in flux.
Cat just talked a lot about the mood and being okay with not having sex. I’m going to talk about today—and we’ll get into this, a deeper dive in future episodes. The first one I wanted to talk about today is the women I have in the Warrior Cleanse Facebook group. And for the listeners who are on, feel free to join us. It’s an incredible group of women, and we’re growing real fast.
Dr. Cat: Is it open?
Diane: It’s totally open, yeah. It’s not a private group. So you can invite people in, any of us. But just women only because I want women to have a safe space where they can talk about sex, sex hormones, yeast infections and the things that might be holding them back.
Dr. Cat, you’re in the group too.
Dr. Cat: I’m in it, yeah, yeah.
Diane: So, anybody can come in. And if you guys do come in, just tag us, Cat Meyer, Diane Kazer. Tag us if you have a specific question.
So, I’ve got the woman who did the hormone shake, that loved my hormone shake. That went amazing, Cat. It went so amazing. The women that did it, I surveyed everybody in there, so that they would recommend this to their girlfriends—and they have, they’ve brought women in.
And so that’s something that I’ll talk about. I think that’s the second one I want to talk about. But the first one I want to talk about is just at for women who are cycling, having a regular PMS cycle, there are days in that cycle that we’re going to fluctuate in terms of our mood, in terms of our energy levels, our sex drive, inflammation. There’s a whole bunch of things that drive that.
And I want to talk about exercising. This is an easy way to link in and connect to the fact that, hey, you know what, I don’t always want to have sex. I don’t always feel like going to the gym. I don’t always feel like working on a project. I don’t always have the energy that I need or the motivation, the creative capacity to really kick-ass at a project at work or at home or for the kids or whatever. So, we ebb and flow like the moon.
I don’t know if you know this. We’ve talked about this before I think. But we are in sync with the lunar cycles.
Dr. Cat: Really?
Diane: Yeah! It’s super fascinating.
The new moon, we say it’s the time of the seed planting, setting up intentions for ourselves, so that they can later manifest. And the manifestations typically occur during the full moon. And that’s the harvest, right? It goes with farmers and oceans and water cycles and tides and fish.
There’s so much that we don’t even think about and we’re never taught. This is the goddessness that I love about our show and what you’re doing. We truly are connected to the lunar cycle. The “luteal phase,” that’s where that term came from. And that’s the third phase of our cycle (or the fourth phase that moves to our actual bleeding phase).
So, we’re supposed to start our cycle around the new or the full moon. Typically, it’s supposed to be the new moon. We want to start day one which is when we’re bleeding, when the new moon comes. So we just had a new moon. Today is our new moon actually. I think it was yesterday.
Dr. Cat: Yeah, Sagittarius.
Diane: Yup, exactly. I started bleeding Friday night, so I’m close to it. I’m typically really close to it, within a couple of days.
Dr. Cat: I’m on the full moon.
Diane: You’re on the full moon. See, so we’ve got complimentary cycles, exactly.
Dr. Cat: Yeah, yeah.
Diane: So, day one of a woman’s cycle is when we’re bleeding. We can tend to have a little more sexual desire around then. This weekend, I had a lot of sexual desire. And it was also because of the newness of the relationship. And so I had a bunch of connected juices flowing.
I want to talk about in phases of seven days, and then we’re going to reserve a whole other show just to talk specifically through the cycle.
We should have a full 28-day cycle. If it’s outside of that, something else is going on. It’s typically estrogen dominance from the outset. I’ll talk about that last today.
But if you’re not cycling, if you’re in menopause, you should still have sexual desire. But if you don’t, then there’s another issue going on. Maybe it’s low testosterone or just complete adrenal endocrine dysfunction where you’ve got thyroid-adrenals going on.
So, the first phase of a woman’s cycle is we’ve got bleeding. I used to say “bleeding.” It’s when we’re releasing the lining of our uterus and we’re preparing for the egg.
So, that’s the first seven days. We may or may not be horny. We may not be hot for our mate at that point.
Then the next seven days, it’s kind of like “I’ll take it or leave it. Maybe I do want sex. Maybe I don’t want sex.”
But then, the prime time is day 14 to 21.
Dr. Cat: Really?
Dr. Cat: Okay.
Diane: And that’s when we’re driven for a lot of things. We are getting ready to ovulate. At that point, that’s when we can get pregnant, right?
So, if you think primally, we want to mate with the strongest man in the forest. We’re looking for a guy who is strong, who’s confident, who wants to—I don’t know, dominate us in the forest or wherever, have a hot escapade in the forest or on the beach or whatever like I did this weekend.
Dr. Cat: Mine would live in the forest.
Diane: Mine would live on the beach… whatever.
So day 14 to 21 is when we are charged for many things. We’re looking for a man. We’re fertile. We’re looking to have sperm planted in our egg. We’re looking for projects. We’re creative. We are dominant. We are crazy awesome at the gym. Our workouts are going to kick-ass too.
So, during that time, that 7-day period, go for it! And if you’re the man, know it. Know that’s her time period where you can just go after her and she’s more likely to say yes. It’s going to be like a “fuck, yes.” It’s going to be like, “Yeah, let’s do this.”
And then, the last seven days of our cycle, day 21 through 28, we’re kind of like, “Ugghhh…” We’re more retreating or retreative. We might get more acne. Our skin might disrupt. We’re starting to bloat. We don’t feel as sexy because maybe we don’t look as sexy.
So, given that, just a normal cycle without all the other things coming from the outside like birth controls or xenoestrogens and chemicals and life stress, that’s what a normal cycle will look like.
So, that one week time period is when we are “rearing to go.”
If you’re not, then there are other things going on or you’ve got total adrenal exhaustion and you’re not kicking out the right sex hormones and you’re just tired all the time.
Dr. Cat: Wow! I love what you just said. I liked how you mapped that out because that’s for men and women to understand that. I also know through psychology research that women are more open to variation during that 7-day period, so they like options.
Where we can be more narrow in our mate choice or dating choice, during those 7-day period, it opens. We’re a lot more receiving to other types of men.
Diane: Receiving in so many ways—receiving more sex. Oh, receiving, obviously, our vagina, we’re receiving a dick, so it’s like we’re more receiving there. We’re more open. We’re not as closed off because we’re not in our way I think. We’re more creative.
Dr. Cat: Our own [complex]? What could that be?
Dr. Cat: Our own vagina blocks.
Diane: Vagina blocks…
Dr. Cat: Pussy blocks?
Diane: It sounds like it’s a toy.
Dr. Cat: Can I say that on a podcast?
Diane: It’s your show, girl. You can say what you want.
Pussy poison, that’s our own cock blocks.
Dr. Cat: That’s amazing. That’s amazing.
Actually, you were also talking about those times, that period of time where we just really aren’t feeling so sexual. But that’s a significant part of our life. That’s happening every single month.
So, I do know that there are three main things that we can do in regards to dating that make us the most wild, that drive us wild.
Diane: …that drive us wild sexual juice-wise?
Dr. Cat: Yes, yes!
Dr. Cat: Do you know how, sometimes, we are dating and we’re like, “Why am I so attracted to this person?” But then there are other people that we’re dating and it’s like, “Oh, he’s such a great guy. He’s awesome.” You know what I mean?
Diane: Yes! “Why can’t I just be attracted to him?” and we force it.
Dr. Cat: Right, right. Now, a part of that I get is pheromones. Pheromones are these naturally chemicals that we’re releasing. But there are also three conditions that can occur and that you can create yourself in your relationships to make yourself or the other partner more attractive to you.
Dr. Cat: Yeah! Do you guys have your pen? Do you have your pen and paper?
Diane: Pause. Let’s take the time to pause if you need to. If you’re driving, you could always just do—like I take notes. I might hit pause on a podcast, and then open up my little audio thing. As I’m driving or something, I can just say what I’m thinking after and it’s recorded.
Dr. Cat: Oh, my God. You’re so cute. It’s amazing!
So, this comes from a famous sex therapist, Stella Resnick. She says that these situations are forbiddenness, sweet pain and overcoming challenges.
Dr. Cat: Yeah. So let me talk about those.
Forbiddenness, think about all those situations that there are attractions with you and another person and it’s forbidden for you guys to be together. And I mean things like co-workers, I mean things like colleagues and affairs. What about the bad boy, the bad girl? “I’m not supposed to be with her. My parents would hate that I was dating this girl…” and how hot that is.
Dr. Cat: Right?
Dr. Cat: Yeah.
Diane: So, would that be hot as in that would be maybe just like a fun sexual experience or that might even be date-worthy?
Dr. Cat: Both! I mean, think about building that attraction. You can have that. You can create that again in your marriages or in your long-term committed relationships. How can you make the situation between the two of you forbidden?
And that can be things like role-playing. That can be things like setting yourself up to where you start seeing your partner as the bad girl. You start seeing them in a certain way. Maybe you co-work together. “Oh, we’re not supposed to be flirting or having sex.” Or maybe you’re texting your spouse while you’re in a business meeting. “Oh, I’m not supposed to be sexting with my wife right now. I’m in business.”
Diane: Hold on, I’m going to send really quick while we’re recording.
Dr. Cat: So, how can you make that forbidden?
You know, we talked about that with Dr. Ava too. If you need some really fun exercises, to role play.
Dr. Cat: Yeah! Oh, absolutely, yeah.
The other one is sweet pain. So, how hot it can be to include like a pain dynamic between you and your partner. Have you ever had this power dynamic play in sexuality?
Diane: What does that sound like? What do you mean?
Dr. Cat: Like dominance, submission?
Diane: How does that get initiated?
Dr. Cat: How does it get initiated?
Diane: Yeah! I think a lot of people haven’t gone down this road. And I mean that’s why the 50 Shades of Gray was so popular.
Dr. Cat: But you’re talking about BDSM.
Diane: I am?
Dr. Cat: Yes.
Dr. Cat: I’m talking about power dynamics as in one person pushing the other person against the wall and saying, “I’m going to have my way with you.” Are you fanning yourself over there?
Dr. Cat: I mean taking charge and making it known what you’re going to do to them.
Diane: That was Saturday night for me.
Dr. Cat: How hot that is, right?
Diane: Uh-huh… so hot.
Dr. Cat: And when you allow yourself to be in that space, you’re giving yourself permission to feel excited. There is nothing wrong with getting excited. I don’t think it exists that we can feel too excited.
Diane: You know what happened? I forgot to say this earlier. When I allowed him to dominate me like that, I had my first non-penetrating orgasm.
Dr. Cat: Hey!
Diane: …just from allowing myself to feel in his space and to submit.
Dr. Cat: And you can! Orgasm means that we’ve let our gut selves let go.
Diane: Oh, say it again, say it again.
Dr. Cat: Orgasms mean that we’ve given ourselves permission to let go.
Dr. Cat: You can’t really orgasm if you don’t let go, if you’re tense, if you’re holding on, if you’re in your mind, in your brain.
So, the whole power dynamic. And the same thing with submission. I mean, that is submission, to fully let go and be in that moment and let somebody take charge and tell you what to do. Both of them are so hot. And that goes beyond gender. It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female in either of those roles. But it is so hot to do that.
Diane: I like what you just said because it brought me into my mind. Orgasm is a release. We think about it being like a juicy release from our vagina or our dick. But I see it like what you just said. It’s a mental release too.
Dr. Cat: Absolutely, it is.
Diane: I love it!
Dr. Cat: And the more you allow yourselves to feel, then the greater the release it’s going to be mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually.
So then the last one is overcoming challenges. Those are things like stranger sex. Those are things like one night stands like, “I’m going to get that girl.” There is this challenge of “I’m going to draw them in” or “I’m going to be the object of desire here. I’m going to overcome the challenge of ‘I don’t know this person.’” That can be really hot.
Now, it can become damaging if we feel like we have to always have sex with strangers because then that can get in the way with our ability to be intimate with another person.
Diane: Right, right.
Dr. Cat: But I’m just referring to the things that contribute to the hottest interactions.
So then another example would be long distance. Long distance relationships are hot because there’s a challenge there. We have this “I’m in California and you’re in…”
Diane: New York.
Dr. Cat: I don’t know, New York.
Diane: That’s a little bit far, but hey…
Dr. Cat: Yeah, I know! You’re on the opposite ends of the country.
Diane: The farther the better for intimacy.
Dr. Cat: Well, it can be because how hot is it when you go and visit that person and you’ve been for so long without having sexual fun with that person—and maybe you have over Skype, I don’t know—but now, you’re here with the person and you’re excitement is sky high.
Diane: I’ve done that before. I love those ones.
Dr. Cat: Yeah, it’s this fantasy sex. I mean, it really is because you’re removing daily stressors, you’re removing life essentially for you to be with this person.
And another example of overcoming challenges is when two people can be in trauma together or go through a hard time together because now you’ve built this very intense bond between you.
Diane: And passion, so much passion.
Dr. Cat: And there’s so much emotional charge in that experience that it can cause that bond to now it’s like, “I can’t live with you. You’ve been here with me.” We call it “trauma bond,” but yeah, you’re overcoming something together and it builds this between you.
Diane: And you said something. We were talking about the long distance. That could be something even for couples who are married. There are people who are traveling.
So, use that time to build up some energy, some sexual chemistry. I think that that’s something that we should also have maybe a future show on just that, how to build anticipation and intimacy in long distance.
Dr. Cat: Yeah. Because they can work and I see it work all the time. I don’t think it’s an excuse. I really don’t.
Diane: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Those were awesome.
Okay, let’s see, we’ll move over to my second one I guess now. Those were a lot of hot ones, Cat. I have so many questions that just came up. It’s a good thing we have never-ending episodes coming up.
The second one I wanted to talk about is chemical toxicity in terms of what can decrease our drive. This is one that we’ll interview—I’ve got quite a few people lined up for us to interview to go into detail. But to throw you a little bit of a bone here (and a boner)…
The lack of desire that we may have may be stemming from our liver. Any symptom that is present in someone’s life whenever I’m working with a client or patient is “Oh, it’s the liver.” It’s funny, people get really surprised when…
Dr. Cat: Really? I mean, I don’t think of the liver as a sexy organ at all.
Diane: I wrote down this quote.
“It’s hard to be a good lover when you’re not taking care of your liver.”
Dr. Cat: Wow! Okay…
Diane: And it’s so true. People are like, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I’m like, “Your liver.” They’re like, “What do you mean?”
Dr. Cat: I’m going to turn that into a meme.
Diane: Yeah! It should be, it should be. TM Eat. Play. Sex.
So, with the liver, the liver is responsible for taking the trash out. It’s like your housekeeper. And if you’re not cleaning the house, what happens to your house?
And so if you look at that, and think of that on the inside with our liver, our liver is responsible for taking the trash out, and the components of trash are sex hormone metabolites.
Dr. Cat: Ahhh…
Diane: So, when we’re done—you know, I explain like this, Cat. It’s like if you were to fry an egg, you’d crack the egg, you fry the egg and you do what with the shell?
Dr. Cat: Put in the compost?
Diane: Yeah, you dispose of it somehow. It doesn’t go in your body.
Dr. Cat: But what happens with our hormones, our sex hormones specifically, is this egg lays, it hatches the hormone, and then the metabolites of it, the pieces of it, the building blocks of it then have to go to the liver for filtration to be delivered out of the body through sweat, through urine, through feces.
And so if they get trapped in the liver, the body gets confused. The hypothalamus which is the brain center goes, “Oh, well, it looks like there’s a lot of back-up of estrogen in the liver. Maybe we don’t need to make any extra of it,” or then it makes more of it because it’s not accessible.
So, we get hormone metabolic back-ups in the liver. And then, we become what’s called estrogen dominant. And I believe that’s a major issue right now for a lot of men and women because that could totally throw off your sex drive—totally throw it off.
And when the liver is toxic, then all that garbage backs up into the blood. It needs to get stored somewhere, so it’ll get stored in fat tissues. Then when we gain weight and we have inflammation, we don’t feel sexy. So now, we don’t feel or look sexy.
Our liver is backing up all these toxic wastes that can text message the brain, “Hey, let’s have some sex.” We’re not connected to ourselves anymore. It’s just bad, bad news all around.
Dr. Cat: Wait! What causes the liver to be backed up like that?
Diane: Just too much trash.
Dr. Cat: Too much trash.
Diane: We’re exposed to so many toxins today. And this is my new thing to say. If you don’t have a daily detox protocol, then you’re asking for disease, symptoms or an awful sex life, really low energy. So, we’ve got to love our liver every single day. And we’ll talk about that in future episodes.
Dr. Cat: Well, actually, is there something that we can give our audience, like a mini daily detox?
Dr. Cat: Lemon.
Diane: That’s the simple one. Start in the morning. Literally wake up in the morning, roll over, have your—I always have my water bottle next to my bedside all the time.
Make it a non-plastic water bottle please because plastic is estrogenic. That’s how they made plastic. It’s BPA, BPS. It doesn’t even matter if it’s BPA-free, plastic is estrogen.
So, have it in a glass bottle or a stainless steel bottle. The one that I use is right here. It’s a clean canteen. I have it with me at all times. I feel naked if I don’t have it.
So, roll over, drink 16 ounces (32 ounces is even better, a litter if you can). Just chug it, add some lemon drops to it. I like to use essential oils. You can add a few drops of that. Or you can just slice up a lemon, squeeze a lemon in there. But lemon definitely is one of the biggest detoxifiers of BPA, the toxic wastes, the estrogen in our liver.
So, just start simple. We’ll dive deeper with other things later on, but I’m glad you asked that question, Dr. Cat, so that people can get started.
Dr. Cat: Get started, yeah.
Diane: And then, also, add yourself to—if that’s something that you’re already doing, and you want to up-level, join us in the Warrior Cleanse Facebook group. There are some really awesome recipes in there—the Love Your Hormone Shake. There are other more advanced things you can get into in there too.
But just start simple. Chug your water when you wake up, drink your lemon to love on your liver. And then, watch your sex drive transform.
Dr. Cat: That’s amazing! Oh, I love this.
Dr. Cat: I hope we haven’t overwhelmed people. This is a lot, right?
Diane: Well, you know, I think the people who are listening to our show…
Dr. Cat: They’re ready.
Diane: They’re ready.
Dr. Cat: Yeah.
Diane: Everybody is ready for a big change. The way that we’re living now, stuff isn’t working. So, even if they took one thing away, whether it’s one of my three or your three, they’ve got stuff to take away.
Dr. Cat: And if you guys, if you lovers have any questions, we love to hear your questions, so feel free to reach out to us. You can email us at email@example.com.
Diane: And if you are listening to this right now, and you’re inspired, and maybe you’re like, “You know, I would love to be one of the experts. They talked about a lot of things that I feel like I could share with their audience,” then email us. We’ve got the email that Cat just shared. EatPlaySex.com is our website.
And lovers, always remember, you teach others how to treat you based on the way that you’re caring for yourself, the way you’re treating yourself. So, if you want greater attraction in life, if you want greater love in your life, if you want more ample sex drive, sexy yourself up, loving yourself so hard that you give other people permission to love you just the same.
Just always remember that sex matters.
Dr. Cat: Hmmm… I love it.
Diane: And we also would love for you to, if you believe that this show just rocked your world and started rocking your sex life, please leave us a review, a testimonial, a love letter on our iTunes because what you guys are giving to us as feedback is telling us what kind of food that we need to give to you of the Eat. Play. Sex.
We want to know what you want more of, what you loved. And please make sure you share this with all of your other sexy lovers because the way that you review us is giving us permission to give you greater good and the things that you want more of.
So, we would love to hear your reviews. They matter. You matter. Sex matters.
Closing: Thanks for tuning in, lovers. Don’t forget to subscribe to our channel. You can find out more about our guest and topics from our show by checking out CatMeyer.com or DianeKazer.com.
Until next time! Don’t forget to nourish your sex life.