20 Oct EPS 2: Discover Your Sex Personality with Dr. Ava Cadell
Hey lovers and warriors!
Welcome to Episode 2!
Dr. Ava Cadell, sexologist and author of Neuroloveology, gives us ‘tips’ on keeping your sex life hot by teaching you about your sexual personality and what gets you feeling so sexy. Here’s what to look forward to in this episode:
- How you can build intimacy and playfulness with Sexycises, the newest hottest fitness/yoga movement today. It’s better than that old gym membership.
- Discover your sex personality and why you need to know
- Why the difference between your brain and your partner’s is affecting your sex life and what you can do about it.
- Sexy daily tricks to keeping your long term relationship hot and intimate
Be sure to check back every Wednesday (#humpday – how appropriate) for a new episode, and head over to iTunes to subscribe!
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THE SKINNY ON OUR SEXY EXPERT
DR AVA’S FREE GIFT TO YOU: Your Sexual Personality – Find & Keep Your Perfect Match
Dr. Ava Cadell’s personal brand is “Sexual Empowerment” as a media therapist, author of 10 books, creator of 13 instructional videos, global speaker & founder of Loveology University®
As a Clinical Sexologist, AASECT Certified Sex Counselor, Founder of LoveologyUniversity.com plus Sexpert.com and President of the American College of Sexologists International, Dr. Ava is passionate about empowering the world to make love, intimacy and sex a priority in our lives! Her mission is to help people to overcome sexual guilt and shame so they can experience self-love, healthy relationships and the best sex of their lives.
As a writer, Dr. Ava is the author of 10 books including NeuroLoveology: The Power to Mindful Love and Sex endorsed by bestselling author and speaker Dr. John Gray. Her latest book and video project is entitled Sexycises by Sexperts: Intimacy Through Yoga. With poses ranging from playful to passionate, Sexycises brings together 20 top experts in sexual health and pleasure to demonstrate how individuals and couples can stay connected on the journey to sexual fitness and satisfaction.
She is also the creator of the instructional “Sex Academy” videos for Penthouse, and her past products for passion include her TriGasm, Tantric Lover’s Game and Dr. Ava’s Guide DVD series.
Dr. Ava has traveled the globe motivating Fortune 500 businessmen and women, doctors, students, women’s organizations, and sexual conferences all over the globe including India, Australia, Africa, Europe, the U.S. and Canada.
WHY YOU’LL LOVE THE SHOW
Real life stories and expert interviews to help you improve your sex life, by addressing mental blocks, nourishing your body, and balancing your hormones. This podcast will feel like you’re sitting down for coffee with your two best girlfriends to chat about the most erotic and embarrassing things you’re dying to share and get advice about. The best part? They’re the experts. Sex expert, Dr. Cat Meyer with hormone and detox expert, nutritionist Diane Kazer reveal to you what works (and what doesn’t) in the most entertaining way, encompassing all things sex and sex hormones such as self-love, sex toys, bedroom play, body shame, libido, frisky food, PMS, hormone balance and anything else sex-blocking you from the sex, life and body you deserve and desire. Each episode will give you simple steps and sexy strategies you can implement NOW to leave you feeling empowered, courageous, playful and motivated. Eat Play Sex is YOUR guide to all things sexy, healthy, and fun to rock the body of your dreams and help you get back in the playground with those you love. Because…#sexmatters
ABOUT US & HOW WE CAN HELP
Diane Kazer: Dr. Cat, you little kitten, how are you doing today, girlfriend?
Dr. Cat: Hi! I’m doing fabulous!
Diane: I had a crazy birthday last weekend. I moved and did a few other things. I found out the other day I had credit card fraud on my birthday.
Dr. Cat: No way! You know what? I recently had identity theft myself. I don’t know what’s going on here.
Diane: I think it’s just part of being human I guess now. My credit card condom wasn’t on? What’s going on here?
Dr. Cat: I was just going to say everybody wants to be us, but you know…
Diane: Well, that’s part of it too. That’s part of it too. I wouldn’t go to Walmart.com and buy a bunch of stuff though. So they don’t clearly know who I am if they’re going to take my…
You had identity theft? What happened with you and your identity fraud?
Dr. Cat: Mine was Facebook. Somebody hacked onto my Facebook. Obviously, like I said, somebody wants to be me, I get it. Awesome!
Diane: I think I would rather be you than me. I’m kind of a little bit more tame with some things.
You talk about a lot more interesting and really sexy things which is why I’m really excited about what we’re going to talk about today.
Dr. Cat: Oh, every day. I’m so stoked about this guest.
Diane: So, she’s your girlfriend. And of course I know her through you now which, gosh, I love her energy. I love her soul.
And so, I want to know, I’m curious, how you met Dr. Ava.
Dr. Cat: It’s funny. I was at this luncheon for sex therapists, for sex educators. She was sitting next to me. So cute! I was talking about yoga and how I do yoga for intimacy with couples and therapy and workshops. She just looks at me and she’s like, “Oh, you need to talk to me about my book. I’m writing this book about exercise and intimacy,” and we’ll get into that in just a moment.
We just totally clicked! She and I just resonate on such an awesome positive energy vibe. She’s my favorite person. She’s my spirit animal, I’m pretty sure.
Diane: Yeah, I think it’s so cool when the universe just drops people right into their life and you literally are sitting next to them in an airplane or at a seminar. It’s just no accident. When you can really just surrender into the moment of your life and in the bedroom, then things happen as they’re supposed to and you can be completely present.
So, that’s what that tells me. You guys were both just totally in the moment, and that’s how you found each other.
Dr. Cat: Well, I didn’t meet her in the bedroom.
Diane: Well, that’s not what I… I love you! That was my add-on.
Dr. Cat: I mean, she maybe only gave me some good pointers or so.
Diane: And many other men as well I’m sure.
I’m really excited about another project too. It’s always cool that we update people with what we’re doing right now. The awesome part about this show is that we bring sex and sex hormones together.
There are so many different angles that we approach our sex lives and our intimacy. We can have so many amazing things going on. And this is what I loved about our radio show when we did this on Playboy—there’s the intimacy, and then there’s also the energy.
And so, this week, I have 50 ladies—which I’m really excited about—piloting a shake, a morning meal that I put together for them, so they can boost their hormonal level, so that their adrenals are working.
I call it the TAO of Hormones, which is your thyroid, your adrenals and your ovaries are all working and functioning on all centers.
So, when you bridge that, nutritional, hormonal sex, with what we’re going to talk about today, then you’ve just got fireworks all over the place.
So, that’s what we’ve got going. We’ll have an update for you in the next show.
Dr. Cat: Oh, that sounds amazing! Fifty women?
Diane: Yeah, 50 women.
Dr. Cat: That is such a party!
Diane: Yeah! I put it on my Facebook and I just said, “You know, we ladies deserve to have more energy. I know we want to have more intimate sex lives. I know we want to have (for some women) children. They want to orgasm better. And if they’re not well oiled and lubed naturally, then they can’t have those things.
So, within 24 hours, I had 50 women. It’s over 50 women at this point because they’re still like, “Can I get in?” I said no because I could only handle so many women at a time—as would never one man say.
Dr. Cat: Yeah… right?
Diane: So I’ve got 50 beautiful women who all deserve to feel amazing. And so we’ll see. We’ll see in seven days how this goes. November 15th is our end date. So, I’m really excited about it.
Dr. Cat: That’s so awesome! So, you’re literally sending happy, horny women out onto this world.
Diane: Yes! Yes, I am!
Dr. Cat: Send them out.
Dr. Cat: Fifty happy, horny women just prowling.
Dr. Cat: Are you in Southern, California? Where is this at? Where is this happening?
Diane: All around the world, all around the world.
That’s the beauty of this radio show. That’s the beauty of the work that we do. We can help women everywhere.
I mean, I know you see couples face to face. But for this project, I’ve got clients in Europe and Austria—a pretty big powerhouse in Austria, she’s test piloting it too.
So I’m excited. We’ll see how…
Dr. Cat: Yeah, I really want to know more about how the sexual culture is in different cultures. I’m sure that that plays a huge impact on this.
Diane: Yes, I’m curious too. I don’t have the answer, but I’m sure our guest does.
Dr. Cat: Yes… which actually brings me to introduce her. I’m sitting here just so excited and giggly. I am excited that she’s with us. We have Dr. Ava Cadell who is a clinical sexologist, AASECT certified sex counselor, founder of LoveologyUniversity.com and Sexpert.com.
She’s the president of the American College of Sexologist International.
Girl, this description of you just goes on. It’s such a powerhouse.
Working with her, she is so passionate about empowering the world to make love, intimacy and sex a priority in our lives. And you can really see that in the way she speaks, in the way she moves. She emanates this passion, this idea of love.
And you can see that she wants people to experience self-love, healthy relationships and the best sex of their lives.
She’s also the author of 10 books including Neuroloveology (which is one of my favorite books). It teaches you the power of mindful sex and love.
And her latest book and video project (which I am collaborating with her on) is called Sexycises by Sexperts: Intimacy through Yoga.
This has poses that range from playful to passionate and brings together the top 20 experts in sexual health and pleasure to demonstrate how individuals and couples can stay connected on their journey to sexual fitness and satisfaction.
She is also the creator of the Instructional Sex Academy videos for Penthouse. And her past products for passion include her Trigasm, Tantric Lovers Game and Dr. Ava’s Guide DVD Series.
Dr. Cat: Dr. Ava, how are you?
Dr. Ava: Hi, Dr. Cat! What an amazing introduction, thank you. I am so excited that you are my co-producer of my Sexycises by Sexperts: Intimacy through Yoga. I just couldn’t have a better partner. I couldn’t even manifest a better partner.
Dr. Cat: Awww… I think we manifested each other.
Dr. Ava: Yes, absolutely!
And by the way, Diane and Dr. Cat, I love the name of your show: Eat. Play. Sex. That is our first and second basic instinct taken care of.
Dr. Cat: Oh, absolutely!
Diane: Well, which one is the first?
Dr. Ava: Well, survival… eat! Eat is. Survival is first.
Diane: I thought you were going to say sex.
Dr. Ava: No, no. Sex is our second basic instinct, but equally as important.
Dr. Cat: Yes, because we need to reproduce. We need to play. We need to have fun.
Dr. Ava: Yeah, the quality of our lives is so important. We can’t improve it without play and sexuality.
Dr. Cat: Mm-hmmm… yes. And I talk about this to people a lot, how important sex is to our relationships. If that’s not present in there, then how are you continuing to connect with your partner on an intimate level?
Dr. Ava: Right! And that’s what every couple wants. They want intimacy even more than raw sexuality, don’t you think, Dr. Cat?
Dr. Cat: I would agree. And it’s this concept of making love instead of just having sex… which I think I actually read in your book too, Neuroloveology.
Dr. Ava: Right! Because everybody knows how to have sex, where to put it, but making love is an art.
That’s why I’m so excited about us doing this project where we can create intimacy through yoga where couples actually touch and have eye contact. You are such an expert in this arena that I just know it’s going to be very successful.
Dr. Cat: Yeah, yeah. I’m having so much fun with it.
Diane: Speaking of not knowing where to put it and knowing where to put it, we’ve got a question for you, Dr. Ava.
Dr. Ava: Okay, ask me anything.
Diane: Go, Cat!
Dr. Cat: I want to know what is your most awkward sexual experience.
Dr. Ava: Oh, my… of course I could say I don’t have any awkward ones because I’m a sexpert. But I’ll tell you, a long, long time ago, when I could not open up a condom, it was one of those old condoms that came in sort of a plastic container. I was literally hitting it on the head with my high heel and it was bouncing all over the bedroom. It was so embarrassing!
But the good news is it reminds me of a quote that Jerry Seinfeld says. He said, “Why do they make condom packages so hard to open?” You know the answer, ladies?
Dr. Cat: Uh-uh…
Dr. Ava: “To give the woman a chance to change her mind!”
Dr. Cat: Oh!
Dr. Ava: I did! I changed my mind because I couldn’t get it opened. It was an awkward moment, but it was an epiphany that I shouldn’t be having sex with this person.
Diane: Hmmm… it makes me wonder if not being able to get it up is his ability to change his mind. And that’s our…
Dr. Ava: Well, I think there are many reasons, but that’s a good one, Diane… very.
Dr. Cat: Yes, yes, yes.
Dr. Ava: No, we never saw each other again.
Dr. Cat: Ahhh…
Diane: Did you run out of the room all embarrassed? What happened when you couldn’t open it?
Dr. Ava: No, I couldn’t stop laughing. I was laughing hysterically. No, we just sort of left laughing and never saw each other again.
Diane: Hey, happy endings.
Dr. Ava: That’s a happy ending, yes.
Diane: …a different kind.
Dr. Ava: Right, right.
Diane: Well, sex and comedy is important too. And what I love about what we’re going to talk about today (and one of the guides that you sent us, Dr. Ava) is that it got me thinking that that’s the play, right? Our title is Eat. Play. Sex. There was no sex, but there definitely was play there. We can’t have them all at the same time. But ideally, maybe we can.
So, I’m curious. I love the playfulness that is you. I really want to know how you evolved. Why did you start Loveology University, Dr. Ava?
Dr. Ava: Well, it all came from adversity for me. I’m a Hungarian refugee. I was raised in a convent run by very strict nuns who taught me that sex was dirty, that my body, it was a sin to touch. And so I grew up with masses of guilt and shame about my body and sex. And I had a lot of very unhealthy relationships with boys when I was a teenager.
So, pretty much, I had to hit rockbottom. And then, I just had to manifest how to find out about love and relationships and sex and find a healthy relationship for myself.
So, I think it was my destiny, to study human sexuality, to be a sexologist, to write all these books and to help people all over the world.
And I did find the best relationship for myself. I was married 25 years to the most wonderful person who passed away a couple of years ago. So I’m so happy that this is my mission.
I still enjoy it. And I’m looking for love again. And I just love mentoring people who do what I do such as Dr. Cat who’s been a big star, a sexpert. In the next couple of years, she’s going to outdo Dr. Ruth.
Diane: Woo-hoo! That’s a great mission.
Dr. Ava: So I’m just blessed to be able to do this job—which isn’t a job at all. It’s like the best hobby in the world.
Dr. Cat: I can literally hear your passion just emanating from you from here. It’s so beautiful to listen to you talk about it.
And the way you turned your life experiences into something of empowerment, of love is just so empowering.
Dr. Ava: Oh, thank you. And then Loveology University really was a way for me to share all my knowledge with the world. Anybody can take my courses online and be a love coach if they want or they can just learn to be a better love. That’s my gift to the world.
Diane: Awww… what’s a love coach?
Dr. Ava: Well, a love coach is like a life coach, but I believe it’s the evolution of a life coach because you focus on helping people with their love lives, whether it’s helping them to find a love or maintain a love or rekindle passion or just some fabulous, new, playful, sexy positions or sexy-cises! So it’s all those fun things.
Diane: So, even I could be a love coach.
Dr. Ava: Oh, I think you are highly qualified.
Diane: Oh, good!
Dr. Ava: The two of you are really collaborating on so much more than just food and sex and play. It’s about well-being and fitness and intimacy and mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual benefits for individuals and couples.
Dr. Cat: Yeah, absolutely. And I see that in your work too. In all the books that you’ve written, you touched on different aspects of sex and of love and intimacy.
One of my favorite books that I’ve read of yours is the Neuroloveology. Me, personally, I love knowing how my brain works in my relationships. And to me, it removes some of the shame of “Maybe I’m crazy acting this way.” No, there’s a lot of brain chemicals that are going on at the same time.
So, I was reading through that, I wondered why do you think it’s important for couples to know about the brain’s role in intimacy?
Dr. Ava: Well, the number one reason is communication. For example, I think that Dr. Cat is right brained predominantly like myself. We’re very creative. We’re very playful. We like the whole, big production.
And if we are dating a guy who’s a left brain, which is sort of an engineer’s brain—he’s very goal-oriented, he speaks with very few words, he doesn’t necessarily want to do the whole foreplay and setting the mood for love—we will be speaking different languages to each other even with something as simple as saying, “I want to have intimacy tonight and make love.”
So, a left brain guy doesn’t need to hear all the romance that you want.
He just wants to hear, “I want you now.” He needs to learn how to speak your language, which is, “You look so beautiful tonight. I want to make passionate love to you and caress you from head to toe.”
So, literally, they’re two different languages. And most couples do actually have different sides of their brain that they predominantly use because that’s half the attraction. Opposites do attract.
Dr. Cat: So, somebody who’s more of the left brain are going to attract somebody who’s more of the right brain. Why do you see that happening?
Dr. Ava: Well, because I know with my husband, he was a lawyer, so he was very left brained. And when a right and left brain person have a relationship, they never get bored with each other because they bring different elements of excitement into the relationship.
Whereas two left brain people are going to have really boring sex mainly just quickly once or twice a week. Two right brained people are going to compete for their creativity. So when two right brained people have sex, they’re going to argue about which Kama Sutra position they want to do.
So, I do wholeheartedly believe that we should seek a partner who bring something new to our relationship.
Diane: Ooh, okay.
Dr. Cat: Uh-huh.
Diane: I was so excited when you sent over this quiz, Dr. Ava, this ebook that we’re going to share with our tribe.
I recently went through a break-up. I’m very sexually starved and that’s just sad for now.
Dr. Ava: We’ve got to feed that. We have to feed that sexual appetite.
Diane: Yes! And I want to ask that question to you for those of us who are listening and are part of our love tribe that are in that space because I think it’s so important, the in-between-ness—the ocean is so vast, and the in-between-ness of our dating lives—and without shame.
So, I want to talk about that too today, playing without shame in between the status of a relationship (whether or not it’s on Facebook).
So, I just referenced the ocean. And when you sent the guide, and I went through that, I wondered where my ex and several of my exes fell under the open, conscientious, extroverted, agreeable and neurotic.
I am a right brain/left brain person. I saw these five things as similar to the love languages. These are like sex languages.
And then, there’s the love languages that I thought, “Well, this is very important for people to know” also.
So, the first question I have with this, the ocean and what this means (before we get into what it does mean) is how would you compare it to the love languages and how would you recommend people use this in their lives?
Dr. Ava: These are used mainly by psychiatrists and psychologists to define personality types. And I think it’s important for us to know our personality types, so that we can understand our strength and our weaknesses, and then, also, so that we can find out our partner’s personality type, so that we can have more compatibility and less conflicts.
And the reason I came up with your “sexual personality” is because it’s another way for us to enhance our love lives, enrich our intimacy and expand our sexual horizons.
And I also did it for myself. I didn’t know which category I fit into and I realized I’m not as sexually open as I thought I was. I’m not that sexually conscientious. I thought back to what I would be. I’m not sexually extroverted. But I am sexually agreeable.
So, that’s what I realized by writing this. I was like, “Oh! That’s who I am. And thank God I’m not sexually neurotic.” Sexually neurotic people are really good for one-night stands.
Dr. Cat: That is good to know.
Diane: Is that the engineer? When you said “engineer,” I thought, “Well, that was an ex of mine.” I was so bored with him. And when you said “lawyer,” I thought, “Well, you were with him for several decades, so you obviously weren’t bored with him.”
Dr. Ava: No.
Diane: So, where was your husband? Where did he fall in this ocean?
Dr. Ava: Oh, he was wild. He was the wildest, most sexual person I ever met. I mean, he taught me as much about sex as I taught him. He was completely uninhibited. He was definitely sexually open and extroverted.
And so that’s what so nice about the sexual personality test, we can fall into more than one category.
It’s like we do with neurolinguistics, for example, you have a kinesthetic person, you have a person who’s auditory and a person who’s visual. And most of us fit into at least one or two of those, not just one.
People think that men are primarily visual. Well, okay, that’s a great generalization. But some of them are also auditory—especially if they’re politicians and like to hear their voices.
I can tell that Dr. Cat is very kinesthetic. She’s a big hugger.
Dr. Cat: Oh, yes, that’s so true.
Dr. Ava: You’re a hugging bunny.
So, I think the more we know, the more empowered we are as human beings and the more confident we’ll be in and out of the bedroom.
Dr. Cat: Oh, it’s so beautifully said. It’s as if it’s creating self-knowing. So, to move forward, it’s saying, “This is where I do my best. This is how I can stay in, that sexual role of mine” versus, “Um, I’m not feeling sexual desire right now. I don’t know how to bring that up within me.”
I hear that a lot from couples. They’re like, “I don’t know. My sex drive just isn’t here.” Giving them some tips and tools of using their senses (like you were saying with the kinesthetic and with the visual) really helps them to realize their own power and bring it back up when they want to.
Dr. Ava: Yes, I agree. And women especially, we have such instincts. We have that power. But a lot of women don’t feel worthy of releasing. For us, as you ladies know more than anybody, sex begins between the ears. We really need brain-gasm as well as an orgasm through sexual touch and lovemaking too.
Dr. Cat: I love that. It moves it away from just the genitals and it says, “Use this ability to imagine, to fantasize, to be in your senses” more than just how often we hyper-focused on our genitals.
Dr. Ava: Exactly! And fantasy is such a safe place. A lot of women feel guilty when they fantasize about somebody else than the partner they’re having sex with. I keep saying, “Don’t be guilty. Your partner is benefiting from your fantasy. And you are having the greatest orgasm.”
And you don’t have to share every fantasy with your partner. It’s in your head. It’s totally safe.
Dr. Cat: I think there’s something sexy about that too because it’s like, “Oh, this is mine. This is my world in my head. This is my dirty, little secret that I have.” There’s something really hot about that.
Dr. Ava: It’s so naughty.
Dr. Cat: I love the way you say that.
Diane: So, there’s a lot of couples that I know that are battling in this regard, Dr. Ava. I work primarily with women and their hormones. And like I said earlier, they’re there flatlined. They’re just so exhausted and they’re just—
They do have these desires and these fantasies somewhere in their brain, like the neuro part of it, but they’re just so exhausted.
Well, while I do my job with helping them rebuild their endocrine system, so that they have the energy and the desire because if testosterone is low, then they’re not really going to have the desire (and estrogen dominance is what a lot of women are suffering from today), I have a question for you on “in the meantime.”
With a lot of these women, the majority of women today are just tired, but they still have the desire. What would you recommend that they could be doing in the meantime until they get their energy levels back, so that they can tease their brain.
Dr. Ava: Diane, there are so many things, but I’ll keep it simple.
The number one thing is that women need to find out what makes them feel like they’re in a juicy frame of mind.
What makes you relaxed? What makes you feel good? Whether it’s a piece of chocolate, a bubble bath, mindless TV, a glass of wine, wearing sexy underwear, whatever it is, that’s the number one step. It’s knowing what makes you feel juicy and sexy mentally.
And once the woman has identified that, then she can start creating something that’s going to release her oxytocin with her partner.
So, just hugging for six seconds can help her to release that bonding chemical.
So, that’s number two.
And then, number three is so simple—it’s a 12-second kiss, but a passionate kiss where the man transfers testosterone from his saliva into the woman’s saliva. And that triggers the desire.
So, she can do those three steps. She can easily go to work mode to sex mode or mommy mode to seductress.
Those are my three, little, short tips for women who are listening to this.
Dr. Cat: I love that, just to realize that we can shift from those identities that we have that are not eroticized. You mentioned mommy and how often, I work with women, they’re like, “I’m a mom. I just can’t be sexy anymore.”
It’s all these things. How do you drop down into that sexual identity that you have.
I know for me, personally, I love to turn on some very sexy, slithery music and just start moving in my spine and in my hips. That will get me into my sexual space instantly. I feel the power just moving through my body even if I had an extensively long, exhausting day.
Dr. Ava: I love that! That’s such a good one about identifying what’s going to turn your mind off from work and boring chores and getting into a juicy frame of mind. That’s brilliant!
Yeah, dancing, and naked dancing…
Diane: Mm-hmmm… yehey!
Dr. Ava: I love that!
Dr. Cat: You know what? As you were saying “naked dancing,” that’s what came up in my personality, my sex personality. I came up as open. And suddenly, it said, I would enjoy things like threesomes, yup, power play, yup, strip tease, done it, and going commando. I was like, “Oh, yeah, that sounds about right.”
Dr. Ava: And don’t forget having sex in public places.
Dr. Cat: Yes! I got to work on that one.
Dr. Ava: They say having sex in public places really boosts the dopamine. It gets people so excited because it’s risky sex. That’s a really good one to turn both people on.
Diane: Do you have a personal cop that we can have on speed dial just in case we get in trouble to bail us out.
Dr. Ava: Oh, you need a lawyer. You need a good lawyer, yes. You need a lawyer to get you out of jail quick.
Diane: A sexology attorney.
So, you were talking about oxytocin. That’s so important. And then, Cat, you just had another good topic too. A lot of women, when they get older, they think that they can’t be sexy. I think the theme of the show is giving yourself permission to be sexy, giving yourself permission to enjoy yourself on your own, the self-love. That increases that oxytocin.
And in the work that I see with oxytocin, oxytocin is like a gut healer. So many people have digestive issues that, sometimes, it’s not enough.
But a lot of women I talk to are like, “I have digestive problems. And being horny and lovemaking in the bedroom is the last thing on my mind because what if I have gas and we’re having sex. It’s just so embarrassing.” So oxytocin is critical.
I have a question on that. And this is for both of you, ladies. Do you find that long kissing and intimate kissing is something that just starts to die off in a relationship after the first few years?
Dr. Ava: Definitely! I think it’s the first activity that couples stop doing. But the reason is because there’s some kind of pent-up anger or resentment. They still love their partner, but they don’t really like them anymore. They just don’t want to do the most intimate, kissing.
I call it “facial intercourse” because I think it’s even more intimate than intercourse.
Dr. Cat: Wow! I love that. That’s such a powerhouse term, facial intercourse.
I would agree with Dr. Ava. And then, I’d also expound on that. So, for me, because I’m doing a lot of work with couples and yoga (that’s why Dr. Ava and I are doing the sexycises), I see so many people are stuck in their busy brains and they’re constantly feeling the need to produce or get back to work or work with the kids and all these stuff. It causes you to be out of your body.
So, if you think about kissing and that facial intercourse, in order to be in that, you have to be in your body and in your senses. I think people are just not giving themselves that permission to be there or be patient with other or drop down. They just would rather stay in the monkey brain.
Diane: Yeah. And would you say, Dr. Ava, that one, just a kiss like that would break them from that monkey brain? Is there a science behind the 12 minutes—or I’m sorry, 12 seconds?
Dr. Ava: Twelve minutes is even better, Diane.
Diane: Yeah! Right? What’s you guys longest kiss? What’s you guys longest kiss would you say?
Dr. Ava: I once had a kiss when I was in Mexico with a guy who couldn’t speak English. We kissed I think for like 45 minutes and I had an orgasm through just kissing. It was amazing!
Dr. Cat: I have too! I’ve had an orgasm too just kissing. I don’t know how long the kissing was. I don’t know that I’ve actually ever timed it. I’m usually lost, so lost into the moment. But yes, I definitely have orgasm. I think I’ve done it twice.
Diane: Okay! I officially cannot die tomorrow unless this has happened. I always say, “I’ve lived a full life” and if I die tomorrow, I’d still be happy, but now I can’t because I need to experience orgasm while kissing. Do tell the secrets.
Dr. Ava: Yeah, that’s your homework—or I call it “love work,” Diane.
Diane: Yeah! So, going back to that last question, is there science behind that 12 seconds, Dr. Ava?
Dr. Ava: Well, there is in that it releases the chemicals as we’ve talked about—both the oxytocin and the testosterone. And really, also, the dopamine, the reward part of our brain knows that after you have a juicy kiss, there is more to come—excuse the pun.
Dr. Cat: No excuses!
Dr. Ava: You kiss for two seconds, it’s not going to release those fantastic feel-good chemicals in your brain that flood your body.
Diane: Yeah! And that’s what couples do, they’re cheapening their facial intercourse to vanilla sex or maybe even worse than that. It’s just a peck, what the heck!
Dr. Ava: Like a peck on the cheek. I mean that kiss is blowing anywhere.
Diane: No! That’s what I do with my friends. Come on, guys. Let’s juice it up here.
Maybe you can share a success story that’s super juicy (or I’m not sure if you’re able to do that on the show).
Dr. Ava: Oh, you mean with clients that we’ve had?
Dr. Ava: Hmmm… well, there’s nothing more rewarding when I get two people to reconnect. I had a couple who came to see me. They were married. But the woman did not like the way the man kissed her.
And this was actually recorded on a TV show too. So I said to her, “Okay, I want you to be the director, the producer, the writer and the star of your own movie. Your husband is your co-star. You have to direct him to do the most passionate kissing for you love scene.”
And it was fantastic! I watched her assert herself and direct him. He took the direction very well. They ended up kissing in the most juicy way—and kissing in different positions might I say. It’s fabulous!
So, that’s my happy result from a kissing story where two couples had a problem and we had a solution.
Dr. Cat: I love that because it takes the pressure off of the male and it puts you into play. When we shift our mindset into a playful mindset, it’s easier to take direction. It’s not personal. This is our imagination. This is our fantasy. And we’re playing a game.
Dr. Ava: Right! And that’s where the play comes in. So many people take sex too seriously. To me, sex is adult play. It’s got to be fun!
Diane: How would someone know if they’re taking sex too seriously? If you could give people description of—let’s say we were in a counseling session together right now. There are characteristics. “If you this, if you that, if you that, you’re taking sex too seriously.”
Dr. Ava: Well, I would ask you when was the last time you guys laughed together during sex, during lovemaking?
Diane: Gasp! Never. I mean, with this last guy anyway, not much.
Dr. Cat: I giggle. I do giggle.
Dr. Ava: Ah, you do. You like you would giggle. She has the cutest little giggle.
Diane: I was just going to say both of you guys have the cutest, little giggle. I need to work on my giggle.
Dr. Ava: Well, you need to have a kiss with an orgasm and you need to have a laugh with your sex, Diane.
Diane: Where do I buy that? Yes!
Dr. Cat: Well, maybe you can start with the sexycises video. I think that’s going to be a great one. It’s so playful. It’s doing acro-yoga and partner yoga flow.
And we fall over all the time. But it’s how you maneuver through that. Are you laughing when you fall over or do you get mad and inflamed at your partner when you fall?
Dr. Ava: And I’ve got another tip for Diane. Diane, you’re such a nutrition expert, what I think would make you laugh with a partner is to have an aphrodisiac weekend with just love foods that resemble the genitals, both male and female. Feed each other.
I think that would make you both laugh and have an incredible orgasm.
Diane: Oh, great! A new chapter to my book. You just inspired me, Dr. Ava.
Dr. Cat: I was eating figs the other day and somebody told me that figs looks like vaginas. I pull it out and I take a big bite out of it. I was like, “Yeah! No, I can see that.
Dr. Ava: And a very pretty vagina, I might add.
Dr. Cat: Very beautiful!
Dr. Ava: These fruits and veggies were made by nature to look like penises and vaginas, and they really do have aphrodisiac qualities. Licorice is the number one aphrodisiac for women because it contains plant estrogens and it stimulates the sex glands, bringing oxygen to the female genitals 40% faster for us to orgasm—black licorice.
Diane: What do you think I took before I got on the show this morning, Dr. Ava? I recommend a lot of clients take licorice roots. It’s awesome!
Dr. Ava: And with Thanksgiving coming up, pumpkin pie is the top contender for men. That increases penile blood flow faster than any other foods. So lots of pumpkin pie for men out there.
Dr. Cat: Yes!
Dr. Cat: I’m trying to eroticize the pumpkin pie right now. I don’t know how I’m going to do that.
Dr. Ava: Put it on your naked body and have him lick it off.
Dr. Cat: Mm-hmmm…
Okay, I will do just that.
Diane: I can recall a time where I put some foods on my naked body and tried to entice my partner with that. He walked by the room, looked at me and went, “Oh, that’s pretty sexy” and kept going. I went, “Oh! Well… maybe I won’t do that again.” But I think that that’s for another show.
There’s probably a lot in what you talked about in your website, Dr. Ava, that talks about the PTSD-ness of trying something with another partner and thinking that just because it didn’t work with them doesn’t mean that we should shy away again.
Dr. Ava: Yeah. We can’t blame past relationships for anything a new partner brings. He obviously wasn’t into sploshing. Sploshing is where you cover your body in food. And there are people who get really turned on by eating it off.
But he wasn’t one of them.
Diane: And that’s where I think that this is going to be really cool for the link that you sent us to show our love tribe to discover which one of the personalities that they are between open, conscientious, extroverted, agreeable and neurotic. Maybe I was being playful and extroverted and that wasn’t a good match for my type in the bedroom.
I think we’ll refer you all to check that out because I learned a lot about myself there too. There needs to be sexual chemistry in the bedroom in order to have the connection that we seek outside of the bedroom. It’s foreplay after the orgasm as well.
Dr. Ava: Yeah, very well put. I agree!
Diane: Cool! So, Dr. Cat, I think we should start closing up shop even though I really don’t want to because, to me, this is audio orgasm. This is so fun.
Let’s start wrapping it up with the top three things that Dr. Ava will recommend.
Dr. Ava: Okay! Facial intercourse. Well, a hug, of course, releasing oxytocin. But it’s got to be at least a 10- to 12-second hug. Getting into a juicy frame of mind by doing what Dr. Cat does which is dancing naked. Yeah, that was good. I don’t want to overload you with stuff.
Those are really, really good to help especially women out there because can get excited within a few seconds. It’s much more complicated for us because we need our brain-gasm as well.
Dr. Cat: Yes, sometimes the desire doesn’t come until after the arousal. So working on that piece first, then we can get more into the moot of it.
Diane: That right there, Dr. Cat, that right there, what you just said, very well said.
So, the three, to summarize, if we were to recommend any three things that a couple, a powerful couple, or a single person that wants to have a couple or a single person within a couple, these three powerful takeaways, what I just heard, were: hug for a long time, dance naked, and then the third one was the long kiss.
Dr. Ava: Yes, that will do it!
Diane: Awesome! All at the same time, maybe simultaneously as well.
Dr. Ava: …with multiple partners! No, no. That’s another show.
Dr. Cat: That’s the next show.
Diane: We’ll have a four-some in the next show instead of just a threesome.
Dr. Cat, is there anything you’d like to ask Dr. Ava to wrap up?
Dr. Cat: I think this is great. I’m really excited to see where our project together go. Again, I just love your passion about helping people come back together and not give up on their relationships and not give up on their sex lives just because they think differently, just because they’re interested in things differently.
You really take the shame away and the guilt away and you bring them together to see them for who they are as individuals to create that unit.
So, thank you so much. This has just been awesome!
Dr. Ava: Oh, thank you, Dr. Cat. And thank you, Diane. It was really fun playing with you guys. And I do believe we’re having ear-gasms.
Diane: Uh-huh! Yes, my ears are ringing, yes. Multiple sensory-gasms of all kinds. I’m going to go eat some figs right now and pray for a manifestation of a beautiful lover. And then, I will consult with you next, Dr. Ava.
Dr. Cat: Maybe you are your ultimate lover.
Diane: Yes, I am. Maybe I’ll take a bath and eat some figs.
Dr. Cat: So much powerhouse and valuable information that was talked in this interview. Diane, I think you’ve got some work todo.
Diane: Girl! Oh, my gosh! She’s more than a powerhouse. She’s like a power-mansion. She’s a power-empire.
Dr. Cat: Oh, my gosh! And I love that, the “love work,” she calls it—not “home work,” but “love work.”
Diane, I want to hear your updates for the next week. You’ve got some facial intercoursing, yes? What was it? Orgasming with a kiss? That’s what it was.
Diane: Wait! Am I supposed to just kiss the mirror if I don’t have a significant other in my life? I don’t know.
Dr. Cat: I want to hear you get a stranger off the street and see what happens.
Diane: Will you hold the camera? We’ll just do it and put it all over Facebook live.
Okay, there were some real powerful takeaways that you and I are going to take over to YouTube. There’s like a couple of things I thought of after that all kind of start with O. It’s like ocean, orgasm and oxytocin.
This is where we’re going to encourage all of you beautiful tribal loves that are watching us, that are listening to us to go watch us on YouTube because we’re going to bring some powerful takeaways over to our YouTube channel.
I think you’re going to love them because now that you’re probably full of juices in your brain, we’re going to just take this and orgasm all over the place with them because there are some stuff—we just can’t get it all in one show. Our brains are both growing.
So, let’s take it to our YouTube station where you could listen for more and get these takeaways implemented into your life.
And then make sure that you’re sharing with us what’s working for you and what’s not because we want to hear from you.
Dr. Cat: Alright! Well, thank you again. We will see you guys next time. Remember that sex matters.
Diane: Sex matters, ladies. And dance.
Closing: Thanks for tuning in, lovers. Don’t forget to subscribe to our channel. You can find out more about our guest and topics from our show by checking out CatMeyer.com or DianeKazer.com. Until next time! Don’t forget to nourish your sex life.